..my battle stance..

Two years ++ since covid said hello. I can hardly remember how life was back then. Not only did we live without mask back then. We could travel around without having a demanding toddler to entertain too hah. Indeed the flavor of life, the 'suan, tian, ku, la' are perfected in a married life. No wonder they have that game when you gate crash, getting you to taste all kind of weird stuff. Because indeed.. you would not have imagined how it tastes like. The full spectrum of marriage, kids, and everything else that comes with it. I told my wife recently, during one of those late night chat we had after the boss toddler was asleep and the clock just stroke 12.. 'I don't get it. How did I have so much time back then? There was a year where I spent 3 weeks in Europe and almost 2 week in Korea.  Plus some weeks in Jakarta and Bali.  Now? I don't even look forward to holiday. I  can't imagine going for 2 week break elsewhere' Indeed having kids change everything. In ...

wow I am actually back to this blog. between Apr 27 2018 and now.. what has happened? I officially proposed to my girlfriend (wah.. trust me you gonna miss that word), got married, and.. became a dad. yeah.. all in a matter of less than 2 years. now when you consider the fact that in 2015 I would not have the slightest idea how things would turn out, it just goes to show how life changes in a blink. How is married life? Well.. I am one of those who has pretty pragmatic view when it comes to marriage. I have seen enough to know that relationship is messy. So.. I must say marriage has been way way better than my expectation hah.. For example.. I knew that my wife is a smart woman. I knew some of her shortcoming too.. (and there are some I didn't know till we got married, of course) BUT... here's the big bonus. I didn't know she can be that adorably funny in her own way. Not funny like a standup comedian funny but.. you know.. she makes me laugh. Trust me....

probably it was expected by some, probably no one would have thought of it 10 years ago. and ten years ago was when so many things happened, both the ones that were meant to be. and the ones that weren't. both the end and the beginning. it happened a decade ago. and today.. everything that was then.. isn't now. everything feels a bit blurry by now.. all those feeling.. all those memories. and today.. here we are. and this is it. the final leap. this is it. the only one that will still matter. years and decades later. this i pray.

this is not ranting or complaining.. those who know me well know that I like to make this kind trivial observation. and i have long made peace with the way the world works. so few months ago I stayed at our friend's beautiful villa at Bali. she happened to have two dogs who were roaming around freely and obviously, being someone who is not into furry and lick-y pets, I was troubled most of the times. couldn't get my head around the idea of eating and playing with dogs at the same time. and as i observed, i realised that probably more than 90% of our friends (there were like 20++ people) who were there were either lovers of dog or at least, they were dog- friendly folks, totally cool with getting licked all over and stuff. I knew I belong to the minority group but I didn't expect the group to be that small. I also noticed how some of my friends were astonished by the fact that I did not like dogs. 'how could you not like dogs?' pretty much that was the re...

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.- Andrew Carnegie I find this statement to be so very true. Also partly the reason why I blog less. I place less value on what I think I know.. unless I eventually put them into purposeful action. Which makes me realise.. I might know too much and do too little. People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents. - Andrew Carnegie It is true that unless the Lord build the house, our hard work will be in vain. However.. it is worth noting too that even the Lord instructs us to be persistent in asking. In other word, a great motivation is needed to keep us going. I had a glimpse of a book written by the sister of our friend recently. It was mainly a book about life lesson(s). She is a good writer and I tend to enjoy reading her thoughts in her blog. While it became evident quite instantly that it was a book written by a...

blogging was the last thing in my mind tonight. but sleeping doesn't feel right.. yet. so here I am. as it turns out, 2017 has gradually led me to another valley. valley of uncertainty, of anxiety and fear. while this is not the first time i have to deal with financial difficulty, this is certainly the first time everything seems to happen at the same time. from my parents health situation to my daily need to my near future plan of settling down It feels like something huge is going to happen. It could either be a major crisis.. or a major breakthrough. And I am reminded of the simple words that I received at the beginning of the year. 'Respond with Praise'. It is not easy really. and at times I feel like I am running on empty. But here I am.. back on my knees. Asking God to help me to respond right. To bring Him my highest praise even as I walk into the lowest point of my journey. And to see His promise prevails. The very thing my eyes have not seen. Th...

today was the first time I helped out in a singles connect event. a simple lunch together really.. but a really amazing one. we got like 8 ppl from our church and 12 from our friends church. all indonesians and it was so fulfilling to see them connecting and got along so well. everyone were so sporting.. woah. one reason why i agreed to help making this event happens is because I love the idea of connecting good people. good people who would have not met otherwise. good people who are victims of nonsensical boundaries. some people are just against this kind of stuff. some think 'it is God who provides.. I don't have to do all these'. that statement is partially right. but they totally miss the point. and they plant false idea on their peers with such 'conviction'. another reason why I am for this kind of stuff. because there are people with genuine need and humility to admit that. of course not everyone will hv positive thought about this. as the sayi...

"Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot (son of Haran), and his son Abram’s wife, Sarai his daughter-in-law. They left Ur of the Chaldeans for the land of Canaan, and arriving at Haran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran." - Genesis 11 It was a simple passage that I have always overlooked. Until one day Christine Caine tweeted this along with the passage: "It will always be tempting to settle before you get to your destination. Don't stop before you get there." Wow! I was blown away. source: bible-history.com Why did Terah leave Ur, one of the greatest cities in the ancient world that time? Did he hear the calling too? We don't know. But we do know that his story began right after the Tower of Babel incident (Ur was in Babylon). The Lord then dispersed the people over the face of all the earth. Terah included. Another thing we know here.. Haran was not his original destination. Canaan was. Interestingly if you...

i still love to write. i simply write less nowadays. I was reading Gereja Mawar Sharon's devotional just now. this week's topic is on Joseph and Moses. on how God worked through series of unfortunate events in their lives. how they eventually became part of God's redemptive act for their people. well.. not only were they part. they played major roles. but both began their adventure in similar manner. the first few chapters of their heroic journey had similar themes. disappointments, betrayals, desert. both had great dreams. both had their dreams 'killed' even before they get started. both were betrayed by their own people. both had to endure humbling years of mediocrity away from the spotlight. i thought it was interesting that great God-given dreams began with the most unlikely script. they began with tragedies. this is the same pattern that we learn to use in writing heroic tales. maybe that is simply how God does things. maybe those are necess...

As I indulge in my disgust for humanity, for the wickedness (or stupidity) of people in my country, for the irony and hypocrisy that I see every day, help me to remember grace instead. help me to remember that above all, You have loved me.. and forgive my most wicked heart.

Just for personal log. As the year is coming to an end.. I wonder if we have become better persons in some way. Like.. you know.. what is one thing about you that you know is a major weakness you need to overcome? And that you are working on this year? For me.. I got quite a number of 'major weaknesses'. One of them is that I take myself too seriously. I do not have enough inward security- To take myself lightly. To be more YOLO, as they say. To not take criticism or setback personally. This quality is paramount. I know it. It allows you to take on disappointment and setback with lightheartedness. It helps you to maintain your calm and confidence as you continue to push on. Yet I have not mastered it. God helping, I pray that this will be one precious lesson I master this year.

I have been wanting to have a trip, a break.. to somewhere that is culturally different from my normal setting (Singapore / Indonesia). Could have gone to Bangalore as well as Shanghai as there was work related event there. but for one reason or another, I could not make it. So it was a pleasant surprise that last week, my biz partner suddenly told our team that there will be event in HK in which we are invited. Somehow the timing works, and I thought.. yeah, let's go. So we went. The event was co-hosted by monetary authority of HK. I have never been invited to Singapore's one all my life. So it was kinda funny that I found myself on the 56th floor of their HK counterpart office with this crazy view. And all those important people from some of the biggest banks there, investors, and start up founders. Well.. how mysterious. the way God works. I never fancied HK. and I still prefer waking up every day to sweet Taiwanese accent rather than rude Cantonese scol...

I love Autumn a lot more than any other season. Which is strange. Because I have never experienced this season. But I just 'knew' it.. or so I believe. So it feels kinda surreal when I decided to book 3 nights stay at an airbnb place in Kyoto. My first time booking airbnb btw. My first autumn, my first solo trip. To the country I love the most. I wonder if they are still my element. We'll see. Yeah.. November in Kyoto. The peak of the falling leaves. I have never heard of friends who spend 3 nights in Kyoto. Which is good. I just have this weird urge to take a slightly different path. Sometimes that path leads to wonderful discovery such as Mealtop at Seoul, sometimes it leads to.. I dunno.. this solo trip? ^___^ or TLG bible camp this year. as 'obvious' as it seems to you, I must say that I have no real reason to join. Just because. Somehow. Now back to this Japan trip.. Every time people ask me.. "whom are you traveling with?" I ki...

Seems like an appropriate time to blog again. On the theme of new season. The Premier League new season starts this weekend. And as I am typing now, Arsenal are getting trashed by Liverpool. Wonderful! -___-" As if I don't have enough heartbreak to deal with. Life is interesting in that if you live long enough, and if you are fortunate enough.. you will get to experience what the Chinese describes as the 酸甜苦辣 of life. the sourness, sweetness, bitterness, and spiciness of life. And at times, you experience mixture of these four at the same time. Life is also interesting in how there is always a perfect calm after the most horrendous storm. As if everything that seemed to rock your world just vanished into thin air.

Maybe one day it will get translated into a decent Chinese song lyric hah. *just scribbling Accidental. Such was our first meeting. It was a summer kind of night. There you were. Opening the door you should not have opened. There I was. Walking into a space I should not have entered. Vaguely.. I remember our second. It was an ordinary weekend. That basement, which has vanished now without trace. Just like our photo stickers, faded into pieces inside my wallet. chorus: So many times, we thought 'we should not have' and each time, we reached out to the other party nonetheless. So many times, we asked 'should we have?' and each time, we buried the question with the sweetest kiss.

and just like that, summer comes. mid year..where we stand between early and late. i took less 'day off', less 'TV on' this year. not that I work particularly harder. but I work with somewhat greater focus, I think. it's enjoyable. never thought I would say that about work. I remember I told my mentor that I sometimes worry about my lack of networking skill. and he told me he always believes that God will take care of his network. it just sinks deep in me. that simple statement. a good friend just referred to me a client out of nowhere few days ago. I wouldn't have envisioned such scenario. but truly God has his way of looking after our needs. it's quite funny how money or financial need is probably ranked no. 1 as the culprit that causes our anxiety or even breakdown of family relationship or friendship. it could be a (or THE) factor that makes you decide whether to marry someone or not. baby sometimes love's just ain't enough :) wh...

sometimes you just wanna lie curled up in bed and shut your mind off. sometimes that's your only way of regaining your courage to get back into the fight the next morning. phew..... -___-"

This gem is worth revisiting times and again. What Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they could “be like gods”—could set up on their own as if they had created themselves—be their own masters—invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history—money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery—the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. From Mere Christianity

one step forward.. this warm fog, it must have been spring. one goodbye smile.. this warm heart, could it be divine? the thing with road map is.. my north needle is a lost soul. wrong turn filling the chapters, maybe it is right to be wrong all along. how else could i have found you? here and now, ten years less one.. we gasp, we laugh, we pause, we walk along. the title of this chapter is 'courage'.