..my battle stance..

in the mood to write hah! and this mellow song certainly inspires and lend me some words. fearing to disturb this peaceful equilibrium, i put on my 'best-friends-forever' face. pretending to listen, to understand, to be still.. i wrapped the chaos inside me with perfect alibis. at times i would become greedy, your smile melted my fences, my alibis undone, all i wanted was to be with you, with or without reason "can I hug you?" kept on pounding inside till it hurts if there is a future, scenes of you and I, let's not be friends there, what do you say? for once let me be brave, let me be selfish.. for once let me not whisper, let me say this out loud.. if there is a future, chapters of you and I, let's not be friends then, what do you say? for once let me be brave, let me be the man.. to hold your hand and fill your heart.

we.. not all of us, not you and I, but we as in we.. we don't write about two kind of things. one.. the things that are obvious. two.. the things that are within the deepest and most hidden part of our heart. so we may seem to say so much but we never really tell much. love, when it attains the kind of depth that is beyond deep, will never find ways to express itself in writing and words. same thing for hatred, and wound, and sadness, and happiness. and yes... kimi mo..

mungkin bila cinta, maka segala daya untuk menjauh hanya menciptakan gesekan, dan lalu daya yang bekerja sebaliknya. mungkin bila cinta, maka mata yang menerawang, hanya menemukan refleksi dia, yang ternyata ada dalam titik terjauh. mungkin bila cinta, maka langkah yang sengaja beda, hanya tinggalkan jejak2 hangat, yang perlahan mengisi penuh hatimu. maka bila cinta.. #iseng

This photo is taken at Bern. This city is interesting. Its old town buildings are mostly of the same color (as seen here). So when a red hot bus passes by, it suddenly brights up the scene. Bern is historically an important city. So there is plenty to learn from if you visit its museum. There is Einstein museum there too. The scientist only lived there for 2 or 3 years. But since they said he developed his relativity theory there.. well, they decide that it's worth a shot to have his museum here. The only new thing I learned from visiting Einstein museum is that.. during his college time, the bloody scientist slept with his girlfriend without proper safety measure. So she got pregnant. I believe he would blame the Switzerland's beautiful landscape and cold winter for that. Ah that girlfriend Mileva.. I love her!! She was so cool. She would eventually marry Einstein. She would also help Einstein with his work as this woman, it seemed, was a BETTER mathematician than ...

It is CNY and I just returned from my maiden Europe trip. I guess this title (and probably the post) will be so out of place. But paradox and irony are my cup of tea and bowl of raisin. My friend asked if I got any inspiration from the trip. Well probably a lot. But one of them is this. I come to understand how small I am. The world is such an amazing place. and this is but a fallen world. Imagine the Home we are heading to! And when I think of that, I realise how I need to have a bigger heart. It is okay to be wronged by even your most trusted person(s). Such things are going to happen in this life. Sooner or later. It's the question of who and when, not if. And so be it. My Father in Heaven is the Father of abundance. If through some experiences I have to let go some so-called friends.. so be it. If anything, it is good to travel light. Carry only the most essential allies and stuff. And travel we must! There is so much so much to explore!

"the longest way round is the shortest way home" - CS Lewis I feel like CS Lewis is like my long lost father. Though I have not read his book until just very recently, we have so many similarity in our thought that I am so glad to have met this man. Through his books. It makes me feel... "I am not alone after all. Someone else is thinking likewise, after all." Well.. Of course CS Lewis is the 100x wiser and smarter version of me. I feel paranoid as I am about to fly off to a place so far away from my usual comfort zone. Only my family would realise how crazy it is for me to go to Norway & Swiss in Winter. Because they know my condition. I am sure my mom is super worried by now hah. And she doesn't even know that it's below -10 deg celc there nowadays. But I feel like I have to make this journey. Not because I want to 'escape', but because I got to find my way home. this journey of faith is inevitable. alright then..

And this Tokyo Love Story ending is still the one that makes me feel like nothing else. you see.. the thing is.. we don't really fall in love that often in this lifetime. not this kind of love. for that.. we are grateful.

It seems that the main theme of 'Imitation Game' is really a plead to reassess the 'stain' of Alan Turing's personality as possibly one of the things that made him who he was, enabling him to contribute to this world like no one else. I love how he asked the detective if someone or something were to think differently than you do, does that mean he/she/it is not thinking? Often when someone does or decides something that we can't possibly comprehend, we ask this: "are you out of your mind?" But the truth is, we are all different and unique in our own way. It's just that most of us are able to hide our otherwise socially unacceptable side. We would say or do things that conform to the social norm. But Alan Turing did not have that capability. That in itself is a beautiful topic. But Imitation Game is not about just that. Rather than his asshole antisocial personality, it was his homosexuality that took the main stage in this movie. Pu...

 Hehe.. I feel ashamed that I re-read my old old post and felt like.. "Actually that was not a bad piece." :P Serasa memuji diri sendiri. So here's my piece on the one story that I never forget: Before Kimchis I envy Kanchi. And i envy Rika. (and I still LOVE that smilee ^____^ ) Even if their outcome is basically a sad ending.. they could look at one another many years later and whisper inside their heart, "yeah.. I am still somewhere inside the most special spot in your heart after all these years. arigatou.. " Now I know, such a thing is one in a million thingy. Most of the times, we are heading towards 'Strangers Again' path. And that is not even the worst case scenario.

It would have been unfair not to journal tonight. Tonight.. I think I have rediscovered that 'asakura yoh' within. Once again. Somehow things will work out. Right? JP, in his year opening sermon, shared about God's restoration. One interesting point- God will restore the years that the swarming locust has eaten (Joel 2:25). So far washing machine is the only time machine that I know of. And it only transports socks anyway. So is 'restoring lost time' possible? But those words resonated somewhat with my spirit. And that is happening now. That dream .. it wasn't meant to be buried after all. Alright then.. Take Two!

Between good (and popular) news and must-see (and maybe not what the audience want) news, as a reporter, which one will you prioritise? This is one of the questions that Pinocchio, the korean series, ponder on. News that nobody is watching is not really news. Is that true? The series explore the power of media and how it can be misused to distort the truth. Coming from a country like Indonesia, I totally could relate with that. And therefore I found that reporter job is truly an awesome one. Or a sad one. When you realise how wicked and scary this world really is. Just like a lawyer job. One morale that I really pondered on as I watched this was this. In today's world, in order for your voice to be heard by many, you may have to compromise by selling your soul along the way. You tell people what they like to hear so that 'one day', you can tell people what you believe they need to hear. But will that 'one day' ever come if you no longer keep your soul? ...

Came across this series poster when I ate at several Korean restaurants. But never really bother to find out what kind of series it is. Feast of the gods. that was the title. Recently saw it on Tv. And like it. The series kinda promote Korean's traditional cuisine. Think the characters are interesting. Oh well, maybe I just have soft spot for an XX with white chef jacket to begin with. Before I learned singing any Indonesian children song, I 'memorised' a Voltes V Japanese soundtrack. Of course to a three year old me back then, my singing sounded Japanese enough. It's in my genes and blood. The Japanese. But recently I start to appreciate the Korean too. Unfortunately the K-wave has become too mainstream to my liking. But still, am very keen to explore this country. Maybe this is one country that is worth exploring at my own pace.. *taking mental note Next Asian country to target! We'll see.

When did we come to existence? Was it the day we were born? Or was it the moment when the glorious sperm of our father swept our mum's ovum off her feet. I was singing that song "Hati sebagai hamba", (if you have no idea what this is, pls repent heh) Anyway yeah.. it's an old song, but I love the sincerity of it. The lyric starts with, "I come to this world with nothing. And I shall leave everything when I eventually return to heaven." And I ponder..  RETURN? As if we were there before. But I thought of some verses like, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jer 1:5 "For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. "- Rom 8:29 "even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world , that we should be holy and blameless be...

Dear friends... Love is a troublesome matter. So if you really have to risk your heart .. make sure you find someone like that. of whom irregardless of whether  to be or not to be you know one thing for sure you'd choose that person still. ~kaze

I like rain! With its sense of inevitability. It drops, with or without my permission. It sings, with or without my approval. Lullaby or heartbreak song, who knows? but I would smile to its tune, yes ame-san.. you liberate my soul. ~kaze

Just wonder.. Why did this untitled post has so many clicks? I don't even find any popular keywords there. Internet is a weird place. But there it goes.. the little story about us that I promised 'you' few years back. I wish I could have written a better one. Or that I have written earlier. But trust me I have not written a truer one. Hope this year I will journal more. Yeah! Recently a friend has been pestering me about two things, new year resolution and exercise. I am so glad to have such a no-string-attached good friend. We have not always been in contact with one another. But she is somehow always in my 'good friend' list. Maybe coz she went to watch Jay Chou concert with me. This year, I only hope to reconnect with people whom I value but for one reason or another, I lose contact with. Well.. some of them are now busy with kids so can't really disturb them. And I hope they are not feeling suspicious. Coz seriously, I am not doing MLM nor in...

this clip reminds me so much of taiwan. well somehow many things remind me of that country. this clip reminds me of that little cafe that we came across in sun moon lake. yeah that cafe and that ke ai nu hai who worked there. love the tone of this mv somehow. and come to think of it, i guess one of the things I really really want to do is to make feel-good movie. write feel-good story. doo kana...

Happy new year mortals! Well.. funny isn't it how we spend millions and millions of dollars to celebrate a shift from one day to another. Anyway.. I thank God that 2014 is over. the less said about 2014 the better. i know five years from now, i will probably only remember the good things about 2014. but I am lacking the talent to accept everything now (*jay chou's 'an jing' playing) but i will journal here my 'last list' in 2014. The last movie that I watched was Stand by me, Doraemon. That movie is probably the highlight of my 2014 cinema affair. Certainly the best animation of the year for me. And I teared all the way, damn you nobita! The last passages that I read repeatedly, are Hebrews 12 and James 1. Both of which are amazingly relevant. God's Word! Oh how I love it. The last two books that I read, are 'First you have to row a little boat' and 'Zero to One'. Both are secular books. HOWEVER.. oh how they spoke to my ...

Merry Christmas!! Well.. I'd like to make a confession. Actually I am never a huge fan of Christmas even though most my friends are. So every year I try my best to cheer along. From social point of view, can truly understand this whole Christmas frenzy. End of year. Holiday mood. Snow image. Santa. Presents. etc etc. Tis the season to be jolly! And that's totally legit. But as far as the first 6 letters of 'Christmas' are concerned, I am more into Easter than Christmas. If Christianity is a relationship then Easter (or Good Friday to be exact) is our Anniversary Day. Jesus himself wasn't very particular about his birthday. But Christmas is probably the most socially acceptable opportunity to tell others about Jesus.  Thus the beauty of Christmas Carols at Orchard. Thus probably, the true meaning of Christmas. And Christmas leads to New Year; 2015. Sometimes ago I was led to read about the meaning of number 15 . And just recently, when I relate...

Gua suka menulis, karena menulis itu therapeutic. Tapi gua sadar, library kata dan rasa gua, ngga sekaya itu. Jadi suka kagum sama teman2 yg punya bakat dan kemampuan utk menguntai kata. mereka yg menolak norma jaman ini, dan memilih utk bawa dlm tidur segala pengertian dan bijak mereka. Here goes.. sedikit kutipan sana sini dari cerpen seorang Kharisma Tanoto. Negeri Tak Berangin “Malam merintang dan hujan bersastra tentang rasa. Sajak mendayu-dayu namun tiada cara melodi merambat ke gendang telingamu. Sebab jiwaku ini, cinta, adalah negeri tak berangin.” *** Kala itu kulihat wajahnya, telah kukatakan, ‘Hai mata, setelah kau pantulkan obyek tiga dimensi itu ke retina, kirim hasil pantulan itu ke dalam lemari berkas di otakku, dan simpan baik-baik di sana. Jangan biarkan syaraf-syaraf halusmu itu menjalar menyasarkan hasil pantulan wajahnya ke hatiku. Kunci berkas wajah itu di sela yang paling dalam, jangan biarkan hatiku mengaisnya dengan mudah.’ *** Aku terus dihantu...