..my battle stance..

in the mood to write hah! and this mellow song certainly inspires and lend me some words. fearing to disturb this peaceful equilibrium, i put on my 'best-friends-forever' face. pretending to listen, to understand, to be still.. i wrapped the chaos inside me with perfect alibis. at times i would become greedy, your smile melted my fences, my alibis undone, all i wanted was to be with you, with or without reason "can I hug you?" kept on pounding inside till it hurts if there is a future, scenes of you and I, let's not be friends there, what do you say? for once let me be brave, let me be selfish.. for once let me not whisper, let me say this out loud.. if there is a future, chapters of you and I, let's not be friends then, what do you say? for once let me be brave, let me be the man.. to hold your hand and fill your heart.

we.. not all of us, not you and I, but we as in we.. we don't write about two kind of things. one.. the things that are obvious. two.. the things that are within the deepest and most hidden part of our heart. so we may seem to say so much but we never really tell much. love, when it attains the kind of depth that is beyond deep, will never find ways to express itself in writing and words. same thing for hatred, and wound, and sadness, and happiness. and yes... kimi mo..

mungkin bila cinta, maka segala daya untuk menjauh hanya menciptakan gesekan, dan lalu daya yang bekerja sebaliknya. mungkin bila cinta, maka mata yang menerawang, hanya menemukan refleksi dia, yang ternyata ada dalam titik terjauh. mungkin bila cinta, maka langkah yang sengaja beda, hanya tinggalkan jejak2 hangat, yang perlahan mengisi penuh hatimu. maka bila cinta.. #iseng

This photo is taken at Bern. This city is interesting. Its old town buildings are mostly of the same color (as seen here). So when a red hot bus passes by, it suddenly brights up the scene. Bern is historically an important city. So there is plenty to learn from if you visit its museum. There is Einstein museum there too. The scientist only lived there for 2 or 3 years. But since they said he developed his relativity theory there.. well, they decide that it's worth a shot to have his museum here. The only new thing I learned from visiting Einstein museum is that.. during his college time, the bloody scientist slept with his girlfriend without proper safety measure. So she got pregnant. I believe he would blame the Switzerland's beautiful landscape and cold winter for that. Ah that girlfriend Mileva.. I love her!! She was so cool. She would eventually marry Einstein. She would also help Einstein with his work as this woman, it seemed, was a BETTER mathematician than ...

It is CNY and I just returned from my maiden Europe trip. I guess this title (and probably the post) will be so out of place. But paradox and irony are my cup of tea and bowl of raisin. My friend asked if I got any inspiration from the trip. Well probably a lot. But one of them is this. I come to understand how small I am. The world is such an amazing place. and this is but a fallen world. Imagine the Home we are heading to! And when I think of that, I realise how I need to have a bigger heart. It is okay to be wronged by even your most trusted person(s). Such things are going to happen in this life. Sooner or later. It's the question of who and when, not if. And so be it. My Father in Heaven is the Father of abundance. If through some experiences I have to let go some so-called friends.. so be it. If anything, it is good to travel light. Carry only the most essential allies and stuff. And travel we must! There is so much so much to explore!

"the longest way round is the shortest way home" - CS Lewis I feel like CS Lewis is like my long lost father. Though I have not read his book until just very recently, we have so many similarity in our thought that I am so glad to have met this man. Through his books. It makes me feel... "I am not alone after all. Someone else is thinking likewise, after all." Well.. Of course CS Lewis is the 100x wiser and smarter version of me. I feel paranoid as I am about to fly off to a place so far away from my usual comfort zone. Only my family would realise how crazy it is for me to go to Norway & Swiss in Winter. Because they know my condition. I am sure my mom is super worried by now hah. And she doesn't even know that it's below -10 deg celc there nowadays. But I feel like I have to make this journey. Not because I want to 'escape', but because I got to find my way home. this journey of faith is inevitable. alright then..

And this Tokyo Love Story ending is still the one that makes me feel like nothing else. you see.. the thing is.. we don't really fall in love that often in this lifetime. not this kind of love. for that.. we are grateful.

It seems that the main theme of 'Imitation Game' is really a plead to reassess the 'stain' of Alan Turing's personality as possibly one of the things that made him who he was, enabling him to contribute to this world like no one else. I love how he asked the detective if someone or something were to think differently than you do, does that mean he/she/it is not thinking? Often when someone does or decides something that we can't possibly comprehend, we ask this: "are you out of your mind?" But the truth is, we are all different and unique in our own way. It's just that most of us are able to hide our otherwise socially unacceptable side. We would say or do things that conform to the social norm. But Alan Turing did not have that capability. That in itself is a beautiful topic. But Imitation Game is not about just that. Rather than his asshole antisocial personality, it was his homosexuality that took the main stage in this movie. Pu...