..my battle stance..

Friendship and loyalty doesn't mean a thing. Even if you get anything from a friend, it certainly is not because of friendship or loyalty. At least, that's what it seems to be. How wonderful it will be to be proven wrong. If only it can be proven wrong.

Sometimes I would desperately question God, why my life has never been too lucky. I know it's a stupid question but.. sometimes it feels kinda annoying heh. At times, it's the little case of not winning any of the 25 lucky draw given out by my previous company while the staff were only about 35 people. Or having to suffer from stomachache and stay inside the hotel room in KL on the nite everyone were attending my dad's company's DnD. Again, I missed out on the lucky draw. I almost believe that I will never win any 4D or lucky draw or beautiful lady. And when it comes to this property job, so many times that I was so close to something that was so good and.. well.. for one reason or another, I just didn't get the deal. Anything that's too good to be true, won't happen to me. That's the point, basically. But strangely, if I were to look at the whole big picture of my life. to look back and to summarise it.. I can only say that I am one damn fortunate perso...

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord. - Jeremiah 29:13-14 You don't have to know how to find God. Just start looking for him everyway you can think of. He's like a little kid playing hide-and-seek- he wants to be found by you. And he will be.

'You see i strive to be the very best, shine my life for all to see.' - Fantasia, American Idol- still singing this song inside my heart, still believe in the impossible, because I am still running, falling, lost, back on track, and running.. trying to get there. the sanctuary of the 'immortals'. at times i find myself back to where i began. at times i don't even know if i ever make any progress. but despite everything, my heart is still set on the sanctuary of the 'immortals'.

linda said she missed pgp. so i thot.. do i miss pgp? and i guess... i do, too. pgp is a hostel in NUS, a memorable one. coz we all came from different hostels but most of us ended up in pgp, before finally moving out of NUS. i miss moments and places. moments.. i remember this particular scene where i was talking to bombie in her room. i don't remember when we started but i remember the moment fenny walked by (they stayed on the same floor). she was fresh from the bed, was about to shower. it was like.. 7 AM in the morning? she was shocked to see us. the way she looked there and then, it summarises everything about her. then of course, the sleepless nite doing flash project with abuy. and the jokers? CS3240 is it? we would camp in elsa's room, sometimes ata's. we would begin with the intention to work, and end up watching WWF, or sharing ghost stories, or discussing relationship. if i were still awake 4 AM in the morning, in front of my comp, then most likely i was someho...

Sang by Adeline, the pretty worship leader from New Creation Church ^^ Her voice is nice as ever =)

has passed. and the world rotate, revolve, as always. whether a man spend this day with fine meals and good sleep, or in hunger and fear.. or in anger and tear.. the day still passed all the same, not a sec faster, or slower. three scenes in my mind. the first is.. of the little girl that inspired my first 'untitled' story. the little girl who could probably call herself my first love. the only girl i exchange letter with almost every day. the only time i felt in love the way a teenager would. twelve years ago, and today... the similarity is ironic. the first time we met, she just broke up, and there i was. today, she just broke up, and here i am. but we have read the last page long time ago. the second is.. of the woman whom i saw tonite. a man was pulling his suitcase, while barking at the woman. while she argued back, in that weary and angry voice. she tried to be strong but her voice was shaky. the man.. who knows what he is thinking? she said, " just go... just go!!...

to be with YOU!!

Heh, this one looks quite fun..

So I have finally watched the movie I have been longing to watch. And how sad it is, a movie that has all the potential to be a great movie, was awkwardly made. the characters were never allowed to grow, the emotion was never properly built up, and suddenly, it was the end. but maybe, that's how real life is. given the tagline that says 'based on true story', maybe it should have been this way. nothing too dramatic, nothing too spectacular. just three bittersweet years that passed by like the jetstream on the sky. too many of "i wish we had done that", "why did i never..", "if only we..". and then there is Yu in every Hiro and Mika's story. ever present, ever comforting, ever forgotten. in Cinderella's fairy tale, there is no place for anyone besides the prince.

the bible camp mood has not really kicked in. i can't remember the last time i felt such indifference a day before the camp. i can't plan or think of anything for the camp newsletter, which won't get published now. and it's my mistake. i dunno what to expect this time around, it's as if i am just making myself available for the next few days. despite the fasting that preceed the camp. but sometimes not expectin anything may be good in certain way. although spiritually, i truly need that hunger to consume me. well.. all i can say is.. AMAZE US, LORD!

there is this simple song we used to sing when we were little. 'topi saya bundar, bundar topi saya. kalau tidak bundar, bukan topi saya.' come to think of it, the lyric is kinda silly. but there are few things in life, that are just as silly. some stuff in life have to be just like that. and anything else, better or worse, just won't do. unless it happens to be just like that.

is the title of True Worshippers' latest album, which is also the theme song for the upcoming Bible Camp. despite the title, i didn't find anything new in the song, it stays true to TW's style mostly. but life, as it turns out, has been sort of "all things new". we have finally moved to our new house. i got new housemates, new environment, new system, and soon.. new property agency. and i have finally parted with the source of my headache. in the end, i chose to, as that silly girl in "Liar Game" said, learn to trust that person. i chose to bless him, and everything he does. and believe that he won't disappoint me. but even if he does, i am learning to follow what my Master said. to love my enemies.