..my battle stance..

No matter the condition, no matter what, you are still missing it. You still want to return. Even if there is tear amidst the smile. It's still a happiness.

Sometimes I feel that there are two persons inside me, two contrasting personalities. I wonder if I really have split personality problem =D On one hand, I am someone who think really carefully before I act or speak. I plan everything and I make sure that I am ready for any possible consequence. On the other hand, I am impulsive and I follow my heart. Just like the fact that I suddenly decided two days ago that I wanted to return to Jakarta. I took my five days leave, book a tic, and off I go. I often do such things. Sometimes I said things that I knew the other me would not have said. On one hand, I am composed and restrained. On the other hand, I can be an unrestrained expressive persona. Twenty years ago.. the restrained side was not born yet. Overtime, I feel that the restrained side overpower the carefree side. There are times and places where I feel liberated and that is when the unrestrained side emerge and take over. But that is a rarity. I guess it was down to the roles I have...

One of the movies that will always stay in my memory is "Dead Poet Society". That was the first time I encountered the phrase "carpe diem". I don't remember how the story goes but I remember one thing that I learned from the movie: Most people become really famous only after they die. Poet are among those unfortunate people whose work will only be truly recognized after they die. Hence the title. When a soldier die in battlefield, he is often promoted into higher rank as sign of appreciation. Name one person around you that you don't particularly like. If he/she were to die today, I am sure you will change your view and all of sudden, he/she turns into someone you will 'fondly remember'. Many people reach the pinnacle of their life only after they die. And many of us.. we only come to truly appreciate someone only after he/she does not even need that anymore. The irony.

Myles Palmer of ANR says: "PORTSMOUTH are top of the table on 13 points with Man United and Chelsea on 12. As far as I know, nobody has done the best story at Portsmouth : they have seven Christians in the team. A journalist friend saw three clergymen in the canteen recently.One of the masseurs is a Christian, a club official is a Christian, and so are several stewards. Before every game 15 people go into a room and have a prayer meeting." Hmm.. interesting side story.

Whatever is happening to this world?? How could spinach be the cause of death?? Spinach is like.. my first vegetable, and that means something to me you know. I used to think that Chu LiuXiang, the king of thief in wuxia world, owe it to spinach for his handsome look and awesome gongfu. That time.. I didn't know Popeye so my parents could only use Chu LiuXiang's name to persuade me. For years.. I thought I was having some powerful herb whenever I had my spinach soup. Oh well.. When I was at high school, the teacher told us that E.Coli is a friendly bacteria which would help our digestion system. Now we have killer E.Coli in spinach which could .. kill. Seriously.. I can't imagine the kind of world my children will be living in.

Hm.. just realised that I have not blogged that often lately. But I do post a lot once I start typing heh. Watched the Banquet with Vy and Rimbun and co. last Saturday. Having watched Hero, The House of Flying Dagger, and The Banquet, I realise that they are all similar. No.. not the fact that Zhang Zhi Yi starred in all the three movies. They are all of the same genre. Western's wuxia genre. Nice Cinematography. Beautiful fight. Basically, artistic. Everything is beautified. Everything is made sophisticated. Everything is pictured to the extreme. It's more of a drama rather than wuxia. In their pursuit of artistry and Western's acknowledgement, they have abandoned the simplicity of Eastern's heroic. I wouldn't say that it's a bad thing. Everyone has their own taste. As for me, I don't watch wuxia only to adore their clothes and buildings and dance cum fight scenes. Fortunately, there is one scene in 'the Banquet' which brought back the feel of good...

Is there such word? Anyway.. me being a proud Chinese and all, lemme promote a China Mainland's boysband heh. LOL nice or not? Well they may not have the pose but they can sing lah. Well.. one of the member, Anson Hu, definitely can sing coz his song is one of my all time favorite. No...not that one above. It's this one::: Waiting for You - Love Contract OST Cinderella...

Erm.. so today KK told me that they can't offer me a "good offer". The reason being? The HR lady didn't spell it out clearly but I could conclude that they go by academic result and my academic result isn't really good. That's why hor.. listen to your mum, study hard! =D It is a disappointment. I have stopped applying ever since I had that promising interview and have thought that I would get it and all that. I even planned to tender my resignation next week. Anyway... So.. back on to Recruit! But I am not that disappointed somehow. Dunno why. Maybe it's the effect of listening to the "Smiling Proud Wanderer" song over and over today coz I was thinking, "Hey! How could I be bothered by such trivial thing?!"

Yes today.. something good will happen to me. And you! =)

Today He reminded me that I am really the worst of them all. And therefore I am the most forgiven. He reminded me that I have thought of myself too highly, that I forgot my servanthood. It's all too easy to point out their weaknesses. It's all too easy to criticize their wrongdoings. But how does that benefit my Lord? How does that please my Lord? And who am I to reject anyone He has redeemed with His blood? Even if someone has the right, it will not be me because I am the worst of them all. Who am I not to forgive anyone? Who am I to stop trusting anyone? Has He not forgiven and trusted me times and again? If He has emptied Himself to serve, why do I still carry my pride? My half-hearted humility, it does not please Him. Tonight, I only ask of Him.. Not wisdom. Not talent. I only ask of Him to keep my two hands clean, and my one heart pure. Two humble knees and one obedient heart. I am truly the most forgiven among the rest.

"The other time.. you said that I am a very good guy. When a girl say that to a man, usually it means she does not want to go out with that man. So.. you.. do you actually like me?" "Well.. I do.. a little bit I guess" "A little bit??" "We can try." "I am sold!" (taken from the movie Lost in Time) I always wanted to watch that movie, and finally got to watch it tonight. Good that it was happy ending, not good that it makes me like Cecilia Cheung even more. Anyway, that's the end of my weekend. Went to 10 dollars company for Karaoke at Smith st on Friday nite. Well it was certainly value for money considering you only pay around 12$ per person, and you get to sing for 3 hours with free flow drink and a bowl of soup. Not bad really. Kicked off the karaoke with elsa singing this song: Woah.. I thought it was Rainie singing until I realized that it was elsa's voice. So similar! =D Saturday's highlight was "The Devil Wears P...

When I say I want colorful life and love, I don't really mean it to be complicated. Because a painting can be both colorful and simple. And my happiness.. it comes from the simplest of things. The things I enjoy in life.. they are never complicated. Do you know that I would choose Big Gulp, with Coke Light inside, over any, and I mean ANY, type of wine in the world? I don't know how many people would laugh at that statement but to be honest, I can't be bothered. And here's another one.. if I say a walk in the evening, holding hand with the one you love; such experience is much better than sex; would you believe me? =D

So here's the situation. In case other do not come for me, and KK makes a good offer next week.. I think I am gonna take it. "Good offer" is of course a very relative term. Gosh.. I am sorry God for keep saying that this is not the job that I want the most. I think I should really learn to appreciate what I have. Awrite.. I shall be grateful and thankful! Yes of course I wanted that Editor job. But God knows what is the best ultimately. So I was being bold and ask of God for certain standard of "good offer" so that I will have no hesitation in accepting that offer. Phew.. finding job is surely somewhat similar to finding a girlfriend =D Er why the word 'girlfriend' sounds more and more awkward to me?

While Koreans are specializing in telling the story of two lovers who brave the storm and sickness and death in order to be together, Singaporeans are specializing in telling the story of the two lovers after they got together (got married properly -> the contract marriage doesn't count). Channel 8's drama is mostly about the conflict within family and marriage. Yesterday's episode was particularly good. I could almost relate totally to everything that happened. The usual commotion during funeral, the so-called affair. It's funny really when you watch a drama and you thought "hey.. that's so real, that's so much like something that happen to X or Y". Ya.. Singapore drama are never good enough to fantasize about some tragic romantic story but they are really good at being realistic. Oh before I continue, that chick Melissa does look prettier and prettier (especially when she is angry ^^ ). I guess it was her over-the-top aggresiveness that turned me ...

Smile can really 'kill' ^^ Must remind myself not to overdose, sigh..

Whoa.. Now I know why my mum would vomit when she got headache. Out of the blue, I got this terrible headache last night and gee.. I really felt like vomitting. It was just torturing. Thanks God for Panadol =D Happy Sunday ^^