..my battle stance..

Merry Christmas!! Well.. I'd like to make a confession. Actually I am never a huge fan of Christmas even though most my friends are. So every year I try my best to cheer along. From social point of view, can truly understand this whole Christmas frenzy. End of year. Holiday mood. Snow image. Santa. Presents. etc etc. Tis the season to be jolly! And that's totally legit. But as far as the first 6 letters of 'Christmas' are concerned, I am more into Easter than Christmas. If Christianity is a relationship then Easter (or Good Friday to be exact) is our Anniversary Day. Jesus himself wasn't very particular about his birthday. But Christmas is probably the most socially acceptable opportunity to tell others about Jesus.  Thus the beauty of Christmas Carols at Orchard. Thus probably, the true meaning of Christmas. And Christmas leads to New Year; 2015. Sometimes ago I was led to read about the meaning of number 15 . And just recently, when I relate...

Gua suka menulis, karena menulis itu therapeutic. Tapi gua sadar, library kata dan rasa gua, ngga sekaya itu. Jadi suka kagum sama teman2 yg punya bakat dan kemampuan utk menguntai kata. mereka yg menolak norma jaman ini, dan memilih utk bawa dlm tidur segala pengertian dan bijak mereka. Here goes.. sedikit kutipan sana sini dari cerpen seorang Kharisma Tanoto. Negeri Tak Berangin “Malam merintang dan hujan bersastra tentang rasa. Sajak mendayu-dayu namun tiada cara melodi merambat ke gendang telingamu. Sebab jiwaku ini, cinta, adalah negeri tak berangin.” *** Kala itu kulihat wajahnya, telah kukatakan, ‘Hai mata, setelah kau pantulkan obyek tiga dimensi itu ke retina, kirim hasil pantulan itu ke dalam lemari berkas di otakku, dan simpan baik-baik di sana. Jangan biarkan syaraf-syaraf halusmu itu menjalar menyasarkan hasil pantulan wajahnya ke hatiku. Kunci berkas wajah itu di sela yang paling dalam, jangan biarkan hatiku mengaisnya dengan mudah.’ *** Aku terus dihantu...

So while I am currently looking up and down for enlightenment (which obviously isn't anywhere to be seen).. I decided to look back. At right before this 5 years journey started. It was 2008. Someone got married that year. So I wrote this as a parting memento. But looking back now, 2008 seems like the Super Lite version of 2014 hah. It's like 2014 Air. Life is interesting that way. And that's why journal-ing is so,so important in our spiritual life. I just joined the real estate industry back then. Letting go my monthly paycheck. And I made less than $10k that whole year. So work-wise, it wasn't a great year either. Oh and I got cheated 12.5k too that year haha -__-" However.. God spoke that year. So I wrote this and this . Looking back to 2009.. I can only say "wow!". The year 2009 was a breakthrough in many ways. Both in my real estate work as well as in relationship matter. As some of my friends would know. Always give that warm ...

so this is how it feels. the aftermath. the night is calm. the heart.. total wreck. but  morning will still have to come. tonight i lost my sky. and as well, , my gravity. so this is faith stripped naked. stillness in nothingness. but damn.. morning will still have to come. might as well. it is well.

someone once answered this when she was asked in an interview, 'what is your favorite movie?' for many people it is just a trivial matter. maybe for her too.. it was trivia. but it wasn't for me. because we watched that movie together. her face was beaming as we walked out of the theater. and i took a snap of that moment. framed it. and kept it. inside a dungeon locked with a key possessed only by her. and then there was the song that we sang together. even if our voices never really blended that well. but i recorded that track, and played it back a thousand times. i kept pictures and tracks of such moments. and there is never a 'share' button there. well.. that is silly, maybe. or childish, probably. and at best, worth a 'thank you' and a 'but' to her. but you know what..? this life we are living.. it is but a brief moment of vanity. you and me.. we are all heading towards the same place. one day none of these would matt...