..my battle stance..

Merry Christmas!! Well.. I'd like to make a confession. Actually I am never a huge fan of Christmas even though most my friends are. So every year I try my best to cheer along. From social point of view, can truly understand this whole Christmas frenzy. End of year. Holiday mood. Snow image. Santa. Presents. etc etc. Tis the season to be jolly! And that's totally legit. But as far as the first 6 letters of 'Christmas' are concerned, I am more into Easter than Christmas. If Christianity is a relationship then Easter (or Good Friday to be exact) is our Anniversary Day. Jesus himself wasn't very particular about his birthday. But Christmas is probably the most socially acceptable opportunity to tell others about Jesus.  Thus the beauty of Christmas Carols at Orchard. Thus probably, the true meaning of Christmas. And Christmas leads to New Year; 2015. Sometimes ago I was led to read about the meaning of number 15 . And just recently, when I relate...

Gua suka menulis, karena menulis itu therapeutic. Tapi gua sadar, library kata dan rasa gua, ngga sekaya itu. Jadi suka kagum sama teman2 yg punya bakat dan kemampuan utk menguntai kata. mereka yg menolak norma jaman ini, dan memilih utk bawa dlm tidur segala pengertian dan bijak mereka. Here goes.. sedikit kutipan sana sini dari cerpen seorang Kharisma Tanoto. Negeri Tak Berangin “Malam merintang dan hujan bersastra tentang rasa. Sajak mendayu-dayu namun tiada cara melodi merambat ke gendang telingamu. Sebab jiwaku ini, cinta, adalah negeri tak berangin.” *** Kala itu kulihat wajahnya, telah kukatakan, ‘Hai mata, setelah kau pantulkan obyek tiga dimensi itu ke retina, kirim hasil pantulan itu ke dalam lemari berkas di otakku, dan simpan baik-baik di sana. Jangan biarkan syaraf-syaraf halusmu itu menjalar menyasarkan hasil pantulan wajahnya ke hatiku. Kunci berkas wajah itu di sela yang paling dalam, jangan biarkan hatiku mengaisnya dengan mudah.’ *** Aku terus dihantu...

So while I am currently looking up and down for enlightenment (which obviously isn't anywhere to be seen).. I decided to look back. At right before this 5 years journey started. It was 2008. Someone got married that year. So I wrote this as a parting memento. But looking back now, 2008 seems like the Super Lite version of 2014 hah. It's like 2014 Air. Life is interesting that way. And that's why journal-ing is so,so important in our spiritual life. I just joined the real estate industry back then. Letting go my monthly paycheck. And I made less than $10k that whole year. So work-wise, it wasn't a great year either. Oh and I got cheated 12.5k too that year haha -__-" However.. God spoke that year. So I wrote this and this . Looking back to 2009.. I can only say "wow!". The year 2009 was a breakthrough in many ways. Both in my real estate work as well as in relationship matter. As some of my friends would know. Always give that warm ...

so this is how it feels. the aftermath. the night is calm. the heart.. total wreck. but  morning will still have to come. tonight i lost my sky. and as well, , my gravity. so this is faith stripped naked. stillness in nothingness. but damn.. morning will still have to come. might as well. it is well.

someone once answered this when she was asked in an interview, 'what is your favorite movie?' for many people it is just a trivial matter. maybe for her too.. it was trivia. but it wasn't for me. because we watched that movie together. her face was beaming as we walked out of the theater. and i took a snap of that moment. framed it. and kept it. inside a dungeon locked with a key possessed only by her. and then there was the song that we sang together. even if our voices never really blended that well. but i recorded that track, and played it back a thousand times. i kept pictures and tracks of such moments. and there is never a 'share' button there. well.. that is silly, maybe. or childish, probably. and at best, worth a 'thank you' and a 'but' to her. but you know what..? this life we are living.. it is but a brief moment of vanity. you and me.. we are all heading towards the same place. one day none of these would matt...

iya.. mengapa? kalo dipikir2.. byk hal yg terjadi dalam hidup, yg rasanya.. koq ky ujungnya ky ga ngerti jg dimana enaknya? ga penting gituu Tuhan, ky lalat. memang 80-90% dr kejadian yg kita alami itu.. akan dimengerti satu hari nanti. yg jenis2 kecoa. ga enak tp trnyata utk tujuan indah. dan mgkn hanya butuh lalui 1-2 musim utk dimengerti. " Life can only be understood backwards ; but it must be lived forwards ." - Soren Kierkegaard. Begitu kata si org bijak. tapi  ada segelintir kejadian dlm hidup yg ga akan bs dijelaskan. ada kehilangan yg tak akan bisa tergantikan. ada luka yg tak akan bisa hilang. Lalu.. mengapa? mgkn itulah sebabnya ada sebuah kitab unik terselip di diantara ke 66 kitab yg kita kenal dlm Alkitab. kitab aneh ini ngga jelas secara timeline org2nya itu hidup di jaman apa. ada yg bilang mrk hidup di jaman dinosaurus krn satu dan dua hints. tp yg pasti mrk ga tersangkut-paut dgn karakter2 lain di dlm alkitab Jaman skrg.. ada jg yg bila...

sebagai seseorg yg ngga gitu ngerti biologi, gua sampe skrg masi bertanya2.. mengapa Tuhan menciptakan lalat? gua ngerti kalo nyamuk.. mrk berjasa dlm kontinuiti produksi bubur kodok di geylang. tapi kalo lalat? mana susah bener tepoknya tuh lalat. tentu saja, kita juga bisa bertanya2 mengapa Tuhan menciptakan kecoa. tapi utk yg ini gua bisa menawarkan sedikit penjelasan. jd gini.. wkt gua kecil sempet dititipin di rumah sodara. rumahnya model rumah 4 lantai model jadul gitu. nah dulunya.. mrk tu buka restoran. dapurnya di lantai 2. pas gua tinggal sana uda ga ada restonya. nah mgkn krn background td.. kecoa di dapur mrk itu berkembang biak turun temurun dgn sukses. trus.. pas gua disana, sering banget malem2 diajak bantu berburu kecoa. itu prime time nya para kecoa. tangkepnya pake tangan, trus masukin ke plastik, gelap2 gitu. dimana kecoa nya lg asik bersosialisasi. don't worry kecoa nya bukan utk digoreng koq. tapi utk kasi ikan arwana si uncle gua. jadi.. te...

So I just created my tumblr acct. And not very sure where to go from there. Even this blog has been pretty quiet. But having read Malcolm Gladwell's David & Goliath, I feel like writing again. The moment we stop reading is the moment we stop leading they say. I highly recommend David & Goliath. It challenges us to rethink what we consider as "strong" in our world. And what we consider as "weak". The giants are not really as strong as they seem. and the underdogs are not really as weak as they seem. No one express this paradox better than Paul when he said, "for when I am weak, then I am strong". (2 Cor 12) Now.. this post. I wanna ask.. Apa sih hal yg elo masi sgt penasaran atau sgt pengen banget bangett utk achieve atau taste di dlm hidup ini? Atau yg lo mgkn uda rasain, dan pengen lebihh dan lebihh lagi? Erm.. whats the english for that? Guess.. I am asking, what are the things that you are most curious about in life, thi...

phoenix rises.

"Let's take a stroll." "Bad idea". She lowered her head. "Alright..." I gave in. With a soft kiss on her forehead. "Why.." she stared at me. "My love is as simple as this." She sighed. We walked. Words of two weary lovers. Words we learn as we turn into adults. "I know you don't like to take this walk." her tone was apologetic. "You don't know my price..."This time I sighed. She certainly never thought of this matter. "Your price..?" I nodded. Subtlety were not her forte. So I took her tiny hand. And I kissed lightly. "Hmm..?" "But never mind that. My love is as simple as this." She sighed again. She still didn't get it. "I haven't changed you know." "Me too.. " "Do you know how our future would have been?" Finally a good question. I like that. That's better than asking me what's my plan for our...

I used to wonder why some of my friends could go from being so on fire in their ministry.. to being so detached from anything that has to do with church ministry. well.. it can be due to many factors obviously. but there is one that particularly amuses me. They had to choose between their loved ones and their ministry. And they chose the former one. Well.. I thought the deeper we are in church ministry the more we will serve and care for people closest to us. but no.. it seems that it works the opposite way. maybe the Old Testament's king david and the Korean's Pastor david are such classic example. and now I am learning thru my own life experience too. it doesn't help that in some churches, your leadership status is "celebrated". You are being inducted into some elite group. and they say.. with great power comes great responsibility. and before you know it.. its ministry over relationship. It's "God's work" over God's love. ...

ga berasa.. 3 mingguan lagi. utk pertama kalinya.. deg2an sm pemilu. pertama kali jg.. so much is at stake. dan gua sangat amat ingin untuk ada di indo. gua ini a nobody. tp gua sgt excited sama 5 thn ke dpn. 10 thn ke dpn. changes seperti apa yg kita bakal alami. dan kalo kita bisa ambil bagian.. sekecil apapun,. utk suarakan perubahan itu.. why not? seperti tiap kali gua ngomong sm staff toko gua. gua selalu coba ubah paradigma mrk, coba ajar mrk utk ngerubah mental mrk. ya.. tentu aja mostly in vain. tapi gua consistently challenge mrk utk berubah. i think we can all do our part. bicara capres lagi. nah.. buat yg masi belom 100% yakin.. mgkn boleh di list down pro dan cons nya mrk berdua. tp pake fakta ya. atau observasi pribadi. jgn andalin media gebleg ky inilah dot con. coba observe.. sengerti apa kamu sama program si capres. program sekeren apapun.. ujung2nya di pelaksanaan. trus.. kalo bicara karakter.. amati cara dia ngeresponi serangan ke dia. liat.. ap...

Democracy in its liberal, western form, that is. To some it's praiseworthy how Indonesia have 'progressed' as a democratic country. From three political parties in Soeharto's days to dunno how many parties now. But to me.. democracy is always a danger. I didn't know that Ahok mentioned the Jesus-Barabbas story too in Imago. That's always my favorite example of how democracy can go wrong. I look at our nation, and I see Nineveh. I see the Jews. Millions of people who do not know left from right. Now we got only two candidates. Wowo and Wiwi. Pretty good chance of getting it right. But how do you expect 200 over million people to vote wisely? Ok.. for argument sake.. let's assume 90% of us are going to follow our heart to vote. So.. no foul play. And we follow our belief. But where does that belief come from? From what we listen to. Which is? Media, people around us, etc etc. Even national tv channels are now used for political agenda. I fi...

I didn't know that making green tea beancurd is so much tougher than it first appeared. I want that amazing green tea flavor. That Pokka reaction, or that Ayataka reaction. My latest attempt last night failed miserably. Well.. actually I haven't tasted any great green tea cake/pudding in various cake shops that I visited too. Maybe it's not that easy after all. And therefore.. it's worth conquering. So it reminds me of that Edison story . I think his burnt factory story is an even better one than that well known cliche of how many times he tried before he finally 'invented' the light bulb. Well.. someone told me before that he wasn't really the first man to invent light bulb. Edison is a far greater role model as an entrepreneur than an inventor. Jobs and Gates too. Great entrepreneurs. A failure.. as I coincidentally wrote in my previous post, can be beautiful.

But on the ground of Your word, I will lower the nets [again] - Luke 5:5 AMP Love this story in Luke 5 so much! it is a stage in life we all have or would go thru. not because it's obligatory, but because it's necessary in our journey with Jesus. as we both know.. it was (probably) early morning when Jesus arrived at the lake side. there were two boats there. but the fishermen had gone down from them. washing the nets. downcast. they have caught nothing all night. and probably not for the first time (they repeated this feat after Jesus was resurrected). a bit like a season of barrenness or desert in our lives. where things just don't work out. we are going nowhere. our hope is dashed over and over again.  it's mirage yet again. at one point.. we say.. enough is enough. we give up our belief in that relationship.. in winning that fight.. we wash our hands. but there and then.. just when we are one step away from killing that hope for good. Jesus appear...

it is summer yet again. the ridge at the west side.. glimpse of orange and blue.. i remember you. a failure can be beautiful. there's actually an endless ending. though the twelfth month wind is numbing, it will be summer yet again.

Tdnya uda ampir posting di fb. uda ampirr.. dengan semangat 45. tapi  pikir lagi.. oh well.. pengen posting di fb krn pengen sampein pesen ke tmn2 tertentu. tapi tanya balik.. apa ada guna nya ya? since yg bersangkutan kynya jg uda sgt sepenuh hati dgn apa yg dia atau mereka percaya. so ya sudah.. di blog aja.. sekedar memenuhi hasrat menulis. ok.. ini video.. kalo liat nama channel nya aja..  "suara demokrat". jd uda jelas.. ngga obyektif! (tp media mana si yg bener2 obyektif hari gini?) uda jelas... ada maksud propaganda. terutama di 10 menit terakhir dr video ini. dan yg ngomong pun.. uda jelas byk nih.. kalo kata bule, tengkorak di dlm lemari dia. apalagi partainya, jelas parahh.. tapi ya.. coba d didenger kata2 dia ttg jenis capres yg menurut dia bahaya janji2nya. kita sama2 tau sihh siapa yg dia maksud. tebakan gua.. begitu pendukung capres ini liat ni video, instead of mencoba memberikan counter argument yg intelligent dan berdasarkan fakta jelas, mrk lgsg m...

Went back to C*t* H*rv*st last Sunday. Haven't been there for more than a year at least. Things have changed a lot since that Asia Conference closing night. But somehow.. I like the change. More humility.. I guess? So.. after three or four songs hat I did not know of (Except for one Hillsong's), came the final worship song. This petite worship leader step forward.. Renata. I thought.. wow.. an Indonesian. And she sang. Powerfully. And with such depth. Beautiful worship. Totally enjoyed the worship moment. Being out of trend for so long.. I didn't even know whose song she was singing. Turn out its Kari Jobe's. Yea yeaa I know.. I should've known her right? Okay.. gonna start updating myself with Kari songs.

Oh yeah.. finally we had a movie date again in cine after many moons. We watched plenty of movies in 21 or blitz for the last 2 years but there is just something special about a movie together in Sg. Our first movie date was a not-too-famous movie titled Sunshine Cleaning. At cine. On some weekdays afternoon. The perks of dating a real estate agent heh. I wasn't so sure about this Spidey reboot as I felt the first installment was too Twilighty to my liking. The only positive is Emma Stone, which was a HUGE improvement from Mary Jane. But this second installment, I must admit, did well in terms of the chemistry between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy. I guess it does make a difference when you are acting opposite your real life girlfriend. The villains didn't impress. The plot was decent. But the love story was enjoyable. And heartbreaking. Love those moments where Gwen asked Peter out after their break up. The ground rules moment. The "I only follow you once or som...

selagi melintas di Sudirman tadi, tiba2 ada konvoi lewat, tau2 di antara mobil2 itu ada sebuah sedan item dgn plat nomor RI 3. Jd mikir.. siapa ya RI 3? Kalo RI 1 itu SBY dan RI 2 itu Mr Budi. Siapa RI 3? Tebak2 si.. jgn2 si instagram star, Ibu Ani. Ternyataa... Benar! (thank you Kaskus for the info) Hrsnya td gua ngintip2 dikit yah. Kali aja beliau lg selfie. Ga lama liat lg sebuah mobil sedan item dgn plat : RI 5. Nah..kalo Ksatria bergitar yg menang jd capres.. mgkn RI 3-6 semua dipake istri presiden ya. tp stidaknya utk saat ini.. prsiden kita masi monogami. jd RI 5 itu.. yg pake ternyata adalah.. ketua MPR. si RI 5 pengawalannya sih minim bgtt kalo dibanding sm RI 3. Ampir ky pejabat biasa aja. jd mikir.. apa uda segitu ngga pentingnya ketua MPR ya di jaman reformasi ini? soalnya di jaman sma dulu.. kynya MPR itu kan lembaga tertinggi negara gitu. kalo di UUD psl 1 ayat 2 dulu.. bunyinya "kedaulatan adalah di tgn rakyat dan dilakukan sepenuhnya oleh MPR." te...

*Spoiler alert to the uninitiated!! So the legendary show that is HIMYM has come to an end. In a totally not "ohh thats how you met our mother" climax. Budi my housemate was apparently okay with it. Some others were upset. Some.. suicidal. Okay maybe not. But I am, of course, happy for Ted and Robin. Just like how I supported Ross and Rachel. (And I love Ted-Robin more than Ross-Rachel) For all their chemistry, Robin and Barney always looked like Robin and Batman to me. And for all the awkwardness.. Robin and Ted always seemed to have that "so much deeper than chemistry" thing about them. Maybe it's what we call the scarlet thread.  The creators could have changed the ending. But they stayed true to their initial plan 9 years ago. That deserves some credit. I didn't follow the final season. How could I? It was all building up to a wedding I never wanted to see. So.. maybe that's why I didn't feel as upset about the divorce. At the end of ...

interesting that a blogger coined this word in her blog. learning to be grateful over my regrets . so she said. Isn't it easy when we, worship leaders or cell group leaders, tell everyone how God tells us to come as we are. How He loves and embraces all of us, our goods and our bads. But we are humans. We can't embrace someone as he/she is. We have emotions. We have hearts. fragile ones. And we have perceptions. values. belief. pride. self-worth. God is beyond all those. that's the difference. and that's why it is so hard to deal with our past mistakes. some mistakes leave us with scars we have to live with for the rest of our lives. some sins have consequences that simply have to come to pass. for reasons only God knows why. saying sorry doesn't change anything. so the blogger said. a shameful scar is a shameful scar. you can't beautify it thru your sorry or whatever you do. and that acceptance you are craving for.. it may forever be an el...

So I came across this in Path. Of course.. a sister path it. Naturally.. some other sisters nod frantically in agreement. "If he hurts you and hinders your walk with God, remove him ..". That part is fine. Damn fine! But what about the analogy? "If your shoes are hurting your feet.." Well.. I wonder why we never do a "brother to brother" version. Coz you see.. we hate shoes that hurt us too, if not more. While ladies would put up with the pain of wearing high heels, many of us would give up. But imagine.. if we, the guys, also think of finding life partner in the same manner, the whole universe will be looking for that 'right shoes'.Nobody will take the 'shoes role'. That won't do. Yet.. even if I were to take the shoes role.. I can't imagine finding the "right pair of feet" being the equivalent of finding my right partner. Unless I am marrying Cinderella. So.. this shoes analogy just doesn't make se...

Some of these words by Jesus in Matthew 16.. they are simply profound. Ask myself.. is this what my church is preaching? Is this what my heart is believing? Do I treat His words with utmost importance? Every single sentence would be life-changing if only we live and breathe it. 24  Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [ [ p ] cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also ]. 25  For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. 26  For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed [ q ] life in the kingdom of God] ? Or what would a man give as...

last year April i was asked when I would get married. so casually I said, well.. 1st March '14. That is 1-3-14. Which in Chinese sound like yi sheng yi shi. Means.. till death do us part. Or in short.. forever. That sounds like a perfect day to exchange vow. And it's Saturday too. Predictably, I miss that timeline. Still haven't figured out what's the next best date. Love 1-3-14 a lot! Couple of years ago me and my NUS mates also said we would go to Brazil for World Cup 2014. Doesn't seem like it's going to happen. Unless.. miracle (or TOTO) happens. And soon I will get to the magical age. Jesus was crucified when he was 33, so they said. Always believe that something very very important gotta happen by the time someone reach 33. Well.. here's hoping that it will not just pass by without a single life changing moment. And to all my penggembira (read: single) friends who are also on the verge of reaching this magical age, let's march o...

love this 'angry man' song of les miserables so much I am rewatching the movie on HBO now. love that little boy that died heroically. (I was told that all but the lovebirds would die even before I watched the 3 hour movie) these people.. from Anne Hathaway to the little boy. ordinary peoples who lived and died fighting for what they believe in. will you fight for your belief despite knowing that it's a losing battle?

Hmm.. mari gua coba ngeblog pake indo. Yah.. karena topiknya jg ttg Om Mario si founder nya Golden Way sama Yesus, THE WAY. Kira2 minggu lalu, tgh malem, ada tayangan ulang golden way. ttg move on. Nah.. bagus sih si Mario itu. Pinter banget ngomongnya. Ngga aneh kalo dia skrg one of the top top motivational speaker di Indo yah. Dan dia ngga cuma ngasi dorongan, dia jg ngasi teguran yg kdg cukup to the point dan menohok, biarpun tetep dgn senyum ngomongnya. Kurang jelas apakah dasar iman dia.. tp yg jelas dia memang berusaha merangkul org dari segala agama. Singkat cerita.. bagus deh dia. Kalau di dunia perkristenan saat ini.. mgkn.. dia itu sejenis Joyce meyer. Yg mana kalo gua liat RT nya org2 tuh.. cukup keren jg nasehat2nya. Jujur gua kagum.. koq org bisa yah se pinter itu. dan kalo mrk ngomong, you listen. Itu hebatnya. Kalo elo atau gua ngomong yg sama.. blum tentu efeknya gitu. Tapi ada sedikit mslh yg bikin gua wondering jg ttg mrk2 ini. Sebagus2nya prinsip pe...

Yeah I am too inspiration-less that I thought I just talk about some movies. A month ago I was itching to watch Walter Mitty and American Hustle. Well.. watched both. Mitty is nice and visually it reminds me of Life of Pi. But it wasn't particularly inspirational. Somehow I love "yes man" more than Mitty. As for the American Hustle.. the actors were simply brilliant. Christian Bale owned it. Big time. Amy Adams had to compete with her cleavage in most of the screens but was otherwise solid. We all love the mockingjay girl don't we? But having watched Silver Linings Playbook, I was rather disappointed by Jen Lawrence and Bradley Cooper here. They did great job but I enjoy their performance or characters in Silver Linings so much more. And that's rare because in a straight man way, I admire Bradley Cooper, a lot! So all in all.. the two big movies didn't really impress that much. Where are the "Slumdog Millionaires" and "The Best E...

So I posted 52 times in 2013. That's like once a week. The lowest figure since I started blogging here. But so do the other blogger friends I have. Guess people blog less nowadays. But of course new year must start with some optimism mah. So here's to a meaningful and productive blogging in 2014. Halah.. -__-" Resolution. This word is inevitable in January rite? What's yours? Mine.. physically.. to renew my commitment to regular exercise and healthier lifestyle. Note: I said regular. means.. even if it's once a week, it's still counted. Most important is consistency rite? And book. Yeah.. must catch up big time. Have not been reading much for years. Now.. related to that is.. to make it a point to remind myself every morning that.. I AM NOT WISE. Yeah..this verse speaks ever so loud to me at the moment: Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 26:12) As for the rest.. will do some p...