..my battle stance..

The earthquake in Taiwan was in many ways eye-opener. We are helplessly counting on internet nowadays. It's a fact. I am not working at Reuters or Bloomberg and even I was left devastated. Two days without internet at the office. No google = no information = no idea = no result. Of course sometimes when there is internet, you could still end up with no result heh. Too much entertainment means too little work done. Will be going to Bangkok tomorrow.. Let's just hope that it's going to be fun. Been feeling bad this last few days. So it's true after all that I have not tried hard enough to make things work for both of us. And I am glad that you said it yourself. Coz when it's you who said it, I simply have to accept it. So I can only swallow the bitter pill of truth. I looked at myself last night and told myself: "You know what, you are a bad lover after all" Good that I never lost my smile =D And it's funny that I too thought that you have not appreciat...

the hesitant autumn, dancing leaves, melancholic wind. the departing person, forced kisses, unwanted end. that still winter, faceless snowman, bleeding breeze. your endless absence, vain persistence, illogical tear. and naive spring, early cherry blossom, forgiving sun. the princess of dawn, affectionate smile, faithful ring. the liberated summer.

Not so creative a title eh. Anywayz.. Realised that I have not written a single christmas card this year. It was all SMS and although I did think of the words on my own, it was still not good enuf as I was just sending everyone the same message. Sending those SMS while trapped in an overhyped and overrated Orchard Road was not easy. And funny that, as it has always happened in the previous years, it's always the same group of people who made the initiative to send me SMS (with few additional newcomers =P ), and probably, the same set of people who would not bother to reply. No.. actually 'you' are the only one who did not reply. Good that I'm used to it lol. Spent the Christmas Eve with some of my cellgroup mates after church. Some good laughs, nice chats, and killing questions heh. That "tell me about your last love life" question was definitely tough. But since it was Christmas eve and tis the season for giving, so I shared my story hoho. I only hope that th...

Sing without you.. I'll sing without you... Heh the song keep playing inside my head. It's "Longing", sang by X Japan. A band once enjoyed the distinction of being Japan's no. 1. Their ballads are quite good, very good, erm.. very very good. I dun think you will believe that they could do ballad if you look at their costume, hair, etc. Anyway.. I discovered few days ago that coding and classical music make good combination. I am not THAT musical to be able to appreciate classical music but I suppose it really gives you that calm and speaking of calm.. classical music also happens to be a good choice for nap. And upon further observation.. I think the thing is.. I like violin!! The gentle sound that feels imaginary.. surreal.. dreamy. But the main thing is.. I gotta go now. It's holiday ^^

Went for another career talk. The person talking was one of the VP of the company. He was every inch a salesperson. Geez.. salesmanship is just so not me. These people, they thought they were smarter than the rest. Those fake "friendly tap", fake praises.. sigh. And every sentence was the tried and tested script. They had probably used it for thousands times all over the world. They seemed to think that they know how to control your mind. You just can't tell whether they are speaking from their heart or not. Tongue is indeed a very powerful and dangerous weapon. Oh well.. I just wanted to tell these kind of people: "Stop trying to manipulate people! You don't know everything after all" And the training that I will take part in, it is somekind of motivational course, with the last two session being NLP related. Honestly.. I am really not into such stuff. "It's all in your mind", they say. It sounds good and logical ya. But if you were to follow ...

Er.. not my wedding obviously. It was my friends' wedding. Albert and Meili, gotta love them! =) The man is one of the nicest guys around. I can't think of any reason to dislike him. The woman is one of the girls who shine the brightest in my opinion. The proposal video was awesome. I am not sure if I want my own proposal moment to be recorded though. Kudos to all those who had taken part in preparing for the wedding ceremony. It certainly was very well done. Went to Peninsula Hotel afterwards. There was Adon (basejam) who came over to Oikos church. They call it a concert but those who are used to this should know that this is basically a praise and worship session with Adon leading. I like the girl (forgot the name) who got to sing one song after Adon's session, she got nice voice. Edo, who invited us, was energetic as worship leader. He surely got charisma and now we all know that's the kind of guy most girls would fall for, heh. A christmas dinner followed and had th...

I was SHOCKED when I woke up and reached out for my mobile, it said "9:49"!! I often overslept but 9.49 gotta be a record. Anyway, I chop chop did my morning ritual and rushed down for cab. As I walked out of my apartment I was telling God "You know, I was not being lazy and never wanted to be this late today God.. So , I guess you may have some plan in store for this." The moment I reached the road, a Comfort cab came and I jumped in. "Morning" he said.. Ah.. english speaking driver. He casually tried to converse with me, talking about the heavy rain that has been so regular lately, about his working hours, and then.. his son. Apparently, he worked hard to pay for his son's marriage, house and everything in the past and the only reward he got was to be kicked out of that house by his son. He now rented a room with his wife who got high blood pressure. So his income was spent to pay for the room rental, their daily necessity and his wife's medicine...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death Your perfect love is casting out fear And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life I won’t turn back I know You are near And I will fear no evil For my God is with me And if my God is with me Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear? Chorus: Oh no, You never let go Through the calm and through the storm Oh no, You never let go In every high and every low Oh no, You never let go Lord, You never let go of me And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on A glorious light beyond all compare And there will be an end to these troubles But until that day comes We’ll live to know You here on the earth Chorus: Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on And there will be an end to these troubles But until that day comes Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

I watched "After This Our Exile" with elsa, mbun, my bro, and mbun's fren, Initially, as the movie ended, we were gobsmacked and were wondering if we had just kinda wasted two hours on a rather pointless movie. Much as I admired Aaron Kwok's acting, I was not really satisfied with the whole story. elsa said it was kinda draggy and I thought it was kinda eventless. Which is so much like real life. Which got me thinking now that.. it was really a good movie. You would wish to fastforward many parts of the movie, you think you got the point, it's not fun and let's move on to the next interesting event. But sometimes in life.. you just have to endure those moments. Fastforward is never an option. Not everyday is fairytale. The son would wish to fastforward the part where he had to wander around while his father leisurely spent good time with a woman who was not his mother. But he can't, can he? And most of us are just as anonymous as the father and son in the ...

you said that you didn't want to be the reason for my unhappiness. but.. can i be the reason for your happiness?

Not really a fan of JG but his new album, Awake, was there right by the entrance of HMV and somehow I felt like it was begging me to give it a chance =P The first song I listened to was "You are loved" and gosh.. I lovee the song, and the lyric. 'powerful' is the word. God bless Josh Groban ^^ You are loved (Don't Give up) By. Josh Groban Don`t give up It`s just the weight of the world When you`re heart`s heavy I…I will lift it for you Don`t give up Because you want to be heard If silence keeps you I…I will break it for you Everybody wants to be understood Well I can hear you Everybody wants to be loved Don`t give up Because you are loved Don`t give up It`s just the hurt that you hide When you lost inside I…I will be there to find you Don`t give up Because you want to burn bright If darkness blinds you I…I will shine to guide you Everybody wants to be understood Well I can hear you Everybody wants to be loved Don`t give up Because you are loved You are loved Don`t...

Oh my God.. You love to joke don't you? Just the time I am struggling with my own heart problem, my cellgroup mate asked for my advice on how to respond to the guy she likes. *Faint. If only she knows what her leader is dealing with now =P But God loves to put me in such situation. As if every struggle and downfall that I had, they will be used for someone else's good in the future. Good then. I shared the Word of God on slaying giant, stepping out in faith. And now I face my giants. And today God gives me a nice understanding. Focus on the giants, the prize will come afterwards.. I am slaying the giants, for God, for you.

A very nice song (imo), soundtrack of a chinese serial Tian Wai Fei Xian, featuring Ariel Lin (which I slowly grow to love despite her super round face haha). Because.. because.. her voice is also very cute hah. Me and my weakness. As for the song.. heh.. it just breaks my heart to listen to it. Dunno why.

This helplessness it's amazing.. How love bring me back to this familiar place. David.. he is too ordinary after all. Save me.. my extraordinary Friend!!

No armor, no weapon, nothing but a pair of willing feet. No promise of victory, nothing but a faith in the living God. That if He were to side with me, I will never fail to prosper. So I make my move. I can't give this up until I have fought a proper battle. Therefore I boldly pray and ask of Your favor, Jesus. The mighty name I am living for, believing in. Your will be done.

Somehow I like this song of Yui the most. Her childlike voice is just perfect for this song, which she composed herself naturally. And now I can tell for sure.. Yui reminds me of one person called Mia. Something about their stage aura. Oh the clip is not bad, especially the part showing her lying down with a pair of tsubasa.

Resah ini, seakan mengerang, dalam jiwa yang tak sanggup bersarang Gundah ini. Mau berontak bebas, diperanak langit lepas. Pengecutkah itu? Tak paham aku.

And now Rahmat lost his father. This kind of news.. we don't hear that often few years back. But we are twenty something and our dads are about fifty something. Some are sixty something. Sikatanai desu ne. The inevitable.

Is this alright? To continue on existing in this way.. is this right? What are we doing.. day by day? That we can even paint tomorrow's sky, and today is so much like yesterday. Is this right?

To think that I just wrote about mum.. Sigh. Samson's mum just passed away. Sudden. Speechless. May God console the living ones. My prayer with him. Treasure yours!

A very nice story, in case you haven't read it! And so true =) And that's why I couldn't understand > this The story began when I was a child; I was born as a son of a poor family. Even for eating, we often got lack of food. Whenever the time for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say: “Eat this rice, son. I’m not hungry” ------------ MOTHER’S FIRST LIE When I was getting to grow up, the persevering mother gave her spare time for fishing in a river near our house, she hoped that from the fishes she got, she could gave me a little bit nutritious food for my growth. After fishing, she would cook the fishes to be a fresh fish soup, which raised my appetite. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat the rest meat of fish, which was still on the bone of the fish I ate. My heart was touched when I saw it. I then used my chopstick and gave the other fish to her. But she immediately ref...

Ah.. that "One Litre of Tears" really had some unexpected after effect. Once again I got in touch with J-pop and found myself a gem. I am officially Yui's fan. She isn't particularly pretty or anything but her voice.. her voice is so cute I simply can't resist it. A stupid reason, I know. But that's exactly the kind of voice I would fall for haha. And she writes her own songs too. And they are not bad. Hm.. but she kinda reminded me of someone, though I can't exactly point out who and why. The first song, yozora no mukou, was originally sang by SMAP and I used to love the song very much. The second song was the soundtrack for "Taiyou no Uta", a movie about a young girl who got this fatal disease that makes her vulnerable to sunshine, a bit like vampire heh. Some genetic problem I suppose. Get a cute girl and give her a fatal disease and you got yourself a movie.

Another movie I watched during the weekend was Andy Lau's Battle of Wits. Watched it with Mbun, Vy, and Hady, who are pretty much the nucleus of the Chinese movie group =P The movie was not so much on the battle of wits, though there are some brilliant moves that Andy Lau's character, Ge Li, made in order to hold off the 100.000 army of Zhao. The city he defended, Liang, only had 4000 population. No contest, huh? But those 100.000 army were not here to invade Liang. Liang was but a small kingdom which unfortunatley was situated between Zhao and Yan, the much bigger kingdom which Zhao targeted. Ge Li argued that should Liang stood their ground for one month, Zhao would have to withdraw. Tired armies of Zhao would not be able to take Yan on. Anyway.. Liang sent invitation to Mohist, term for the follower of Mozi, asking for help. And this is the issue that the movie mostly touched on. And this is the reason why I wanted to watch the movie. Mozi himself was the first Chinese philo...

Hah I must be super outdated. I only got to watch Jomblo tonite. I dunno why but it failed to impress me that much, not the way I expected. Okay.. let me rephrase this. It was a good movie but I was expecting good laugh. Instead I got a movie which tries to teach us some wisdom. I would say half of what they say are true but another half are questionable. Many of the events that take place are not making sense, kinda forced. The case with Febi the mysterious girl is one example. But the worst is the part where Agus asks Lani out for the first time, only to tell her that he loves his 'official' girlfriend and thus he has to end his relationship with Lani, the third party. His argument, though he tried to make it sound great, is absurd. In all fairness.. he did say that love is absurd. There was simply no chemistry between him and his girlfriend. I find it hard to believe him when he said that "I love her". The characters are the main problem to me. I just can't fee...

Create in me a new heart One that follows You Place in me a deep desire To know You as I'm known Set my feet in Your ways To live worthy of Your call Draw me near to You Lord Every single day.. I just want to be more like You Walk with You Beside me Lord Won't You be my guide? Place Your heart inside my soul A heart that's ever true One that's after You *I don't know the real title heh, the song is sang in City Harvest's service. Nice lyric I think. That's all I want. All I can hope for. That You walk with me.

Remioromen is a not so famous band who started gaining popularity ever since their songs were heard in the "One Litre of Tears" drama. I think it's easy to like their song if you like the laidback pop-rock style which is typically J-pop. Sangatsu Kokonoka itself means Third Month Ninth Day, literally. Personally I love this song very much. As you listen to it.. you can somehow feel that Spring is slowly approaching, that the cold Winter is gradually departing. It's a celebration of life.

So what if there are less and less people? So what if all other numbers have passed at least twice? Can't be helped, can it? We can fix our eyes on that direction, hoping to catch the first glimpse of our long awaited number. Or we can observe the cloud drift, and smile at the vague signboards. Neither slower nor faster. All the same. Maybe taking any bus for the sake of trying would do. Maybe not. Maybe a change of busstop is all it takes. Maybe not. Ask me not. Never tried, never plan to. I do not know. Yet. This situation that I am getting used to, it still doesn't feel right. So I understand your anxiety. But you will be fine, somehow. Because I am, somewhat. Maybe if your happiness counts not on this wait.. Lay your smile on the one who waits on you. You'll be fine that way. *so mbun out of the blue msn me and said 'one by one, they are not single anymore.. anxious.." something along that line heh. and there was another case of a friend who is trapped in a tri...

As Aya's condition gradually worsen, she could no longer walk or stand anymore. She would sometimes choke when she eat and she struggled to speak. There was only one thing that she could do, albeit which much difficulty. She could still write. One day her mum visited her at the hospital and seeing her struggling hard to write her diary, her mum asked her to rest. But she said.. "Okaasan.. you said that I can still write right? That's the only thing that I could still do. I have to write what I have in mind now because that is the only prove that I am living today." Even when she could hardly hold her crayon, she would still write her diary. I do not know whether the movie followed the true diary content but in the movie.. Despite the diary began with her questioning why she had to be the one to suffer from this cruel disease, it sweetly ended with a word: "Arigatou". Thanking her parents and siblings for being there right to the end, thanking her friends for...

for me.. so long as you're the one saying it, no matter how slow you say it, i will listen.. and if you want to walk, no matter how slow it gonna be, i'll walk with you. - haruto asou, one litre of tears

I remember one cellgroup mate of mine, a medicine student, once said that as she learned about all kind of diseases, she couldn't help feeling relieved. Only then she realised that many things could really go wrong, horribly wrong. Only then she realised that she has been really fortunate. I can't forget those words of her. I couldn't resist it anymore. I watched the "one litre of tears" drama. Watching how a healthy 15 years old girl losing her ability to control her body slowly but surely, it's heartwrenching. In the beginning, she would only lose balance when she walked. Then it got worse as she occasionally fail to command her legs or hands to move. Gradually it became harder and harder for her to walk, hold things, write, etc. It's incurable and ultimately, she will not be able to control any part or her body. She will sleep and never be able to wake up anymore. This is based on a true story in Japan. Admittedly, the original story may not have that m...

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything.. (1 Cor 13) Maybe one of the lessons that will take me lifetime to learn.

Hmm but I am tempted to watch..

Goodness.. so now those Korean singers are using initial as their name, K, J... were they inspired by death note? They should really realise that such name are not google friendly. Anyway.. this K sings the soundtrack of "one litre of tears", a jap dorama which is quite recent and very popular. People are recommending it but seriously.. I think I am too old to watch tragic dramas. The song is nice though =)

I just want to say that I still love my batch 5 folks. Seven years is not long enough to forget them. Iwan, Dudi, Erfingo, Suton, Ata, Bimas, Lukman, Daya, Dendry, Dolly, Chris, Yoppy, Samson, Pras, Sigit, Martin, Adi, Igit, Nonie, Vivy, Cen Ping, Yesie, Felicia, Lao May I still remember you guys seventeen years later =D

I must confess that I miss the traditional christmas celebration, the type where santa claus is still allowed to make his appearance and give away some candies. I still dun think it's wrong to have a fat old man in red walking around and lighten up the whole thing with his trademark "ho ho ho". it's just like inviting a clown to perform during your bday party, I think. I also miss the good ol' christmas drama the children used to perform. maybe i'm just being conservative here. Anyway.. another weekend gone and again.. I didn't have the chance to hibernate at home. Now I know why Sabath was created. Good thing that my Monday started with an Arsenal 3-0 win over Liverpool heh. I still wonder if God has anything to do with football match but I still have to thank God coz it makes my Monday much brighter. Also.. it's greatt that I finally get to play Final Fantasy XII. Woohoo..

have you ever tasted three quarters of happiness? the state of all but a quarter thing?

Gaq gitu updated ama lagu Indo apart from the moment dimana Owen enlighten me with some updated info heh.. but waktu pulank kemaren, lagi menjelang lebaran n denger lagu Surgamu by ungu (Moslem themed song).. i was impressed, n was thinking 'this band is not bad!' Well they are not really that original.. you could feel that they graduate from Peter Pan's school of music heh. Well my opinion doank seh. Ato jgn2 ungu yg duluan muncul. ANyway.. the two songs that gua rasa cukup keren dari ungu: Demi Waktu & Surgamu... (Demi Waktu has kinda killer lyric heh)

Hohoho.. this song.. SMA 1!!!! Gile jadi senyum2 ndiri.. soundtrack cinta pertama =P I still think Amara is beautiful, and so was everything that happened 10 years ago. Though I must admit that I was quite a fool back then. But then.. how else could it be that sweet? =)

I thought it wil be great if I can see you now. If we could eventually meet. It's about time.. so I thought. But if I were to find you now.. and if I were to fetch you now.. Will you like the battles I am fighting now? It's hardly a fairy tale. I am hardly a prince, never mind the shining armor. Well.. I live though. I live by faith. If that is good enough for you, then you are perfect for me.

But nothing special to mark the milestone heh. Just clips from an anime that I miss dearly. I miss the Saiyan family!! Yes.. Son Go Han is my favorite ^^

So you must have heard about that man who jumped onto Chinese Garden MRT track and died. Blinkymummy has been talking bout it for quite a while in her blog. The poor family (a polio wife and two Sec children), received donation worth 500k in total! She gave 100k to the Undertaker company who offered a FOC service to the family. Blinkymummy talked about how this company got free advertising by doing so, as the story was covered in the newspaper quite intensively. I wouldn't talk about how the company could have had other motive in offering the help. That's not my concern. Rather.. I am concerned about how there has been another case of someone plunging onto the MRT track sometimes after that first incident. Apparently the suicide rate has been quite high recently in SG. And maybe.. just maybe.. those desperate people looked at how this dead man got his family 500k by jumping onto MRT track. They got inspired and thought: "Hey.. why don't I give it a go?? I am useless a...

Oh goodness.. I always get this emotional feeling everytime I return to NUS. Do you remember the very first time when we met? I still remember the place. I even still remember the second time we met. I can somehow picture those moments. I really have difficulty in forgetting these. I remember the first lenghty conversation we had. It was the night of full moon. It was the night of mid autumn festival. It was six years ago. Right.. enough of you. So I went to NUS for cellgroup today. I had my dinner at the Engineering canteen, complete with a glass of $1.30 Strawberry juice. Then went to the busstop in front of Comp Centre. Sigh.. that very building was our holy grail when we were doing our five months English course. During the lunch time, we would rush for lunch at the Arts Canteen, then went to the Computer Lab at Comp Centre for our daily dose of internet. We couldn't be late because the China students outnumbered us. And staring at the old Admin Building, the old stairs; it was...

I don't feel like singing love songs. Suddenly. Who is the culprit??

sigh... I have not been able to finish writing any kind of story lately. Well.. rather than seeing them rotting in my draft folder, might as well publish these unfinished pieces for the sake of it heh =D --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was standing there, watching the lovely couple, holding hands, strolling away. "Fancy the chick there?" that old man suddenly asked. He has been standing there for quite a while. I did not notice him. Rather, I did not bother to notice him. But his question certainly was direct. He got my attention. "What do you make of that chick Sir?" I asked in return. He seemed to ponder, or measuring something. "Three years." He finally replied. "Three years?" "Yup.. this kind of girl deserves three years of my waiting time." He said lightly. I couldn't help laughing. That was certainly not the kind of answer I expected. "Six years" I...

So my uncle, who is only 4 yrs older, has really hit it off with my highschool mate. It all began with his casual flirting, friendster navigating, cold calling. Now they have reached the point of "I hate to admit this but I think I am in love". His only concern is that he thinks she deserves someone better. Her only problem is that she has never and doesn't think she will ever meet someone as interesting as my uncle. They are so cute when they got into argument. And they got into argument all the time. The strange thing is.. despite my uncle's experience, he simply couldn't reject anything my friend asks of him. Despite knowing that my friend is somewhat unreasonable at times.. he would simply give in each time. He has met the type of person he should have avoided heh. But the good thing is of course.. the girl loves him too. When a girl tells you that "if you keep treating me this way, I think I will fall for you", you should know that she has started f...

Oh I am so in love with this song, and the lyric.. and I am so wanting to have that type of voice. brrr...

This is one of Jay Chou's songs in his latest album, and definitely rank high on my all time favorite list. The clip is a bit disappointing, but I love the song big time. Something must be wrong with me coz I cried when I listen to this song =P How shameful haha =P -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ting Ma Ma De Hua | Listen to Mama's Words Qu: Zhou Jie Lun Music: Jay Chou ?: ??? Ci: Zhou Jie Lun Lyrics: Jay Chou Translation: eminemjamesuk & Ling - www.jay-chou.net Xiao peng you, ni shi fou you hen duo wen hao, wei shen me Little children, do you have a lot of questions, why Bie ren zai na kan man hua, wo que zai xue hua hua, dui zhe gang qin shuo hua When other kids are reading manga, I am learning to draw and learning to communicate with the piano Bie ren zai wan you xi, wo que kao zai qiang bi bei wo de ABC When other kids are playing games, I am leaning on the wall memorizing my ABCs Wo shuo wo yao yi tai da da de fei ji, w...

The first time we met and talk.. she was asking me a question. I had to answer, I just had to think of an answer even if I didn't know the answer. There are certain people in your life, certain people you should try to avoid if you could. Because when they ask something of you, you simply cannot refuse to do. You would do it even when you don't want to do it. Even when you know that you don't mean that much to them. Even when you know that they will sacrifice you for the slightest reason. You would simply do anything for this type of people. For me.. she is certainly this type of person. Someone I can't reject. I said that I have to try to avoid this type of people. But there is another problem here. I am forever trying, forever failing. From the first word spoken, the escape path had cease to exist.

I don't understand why but I was so spirited this morning. I woke up earlier than usual (though I decided to continue laying on the bed till 8.30).. I did not have to drag myself to work. I just felt good. Don't tell me I will meet someone special today =D I did beat Chelsea 4-2 in my Football Manager '06 game last night and felt SUPER afterwards. But that couldn't be the reason right? Oh but what a game! What a pulsating match! I was up against Ibrahimovich and Torres and had to endure Chelsea's barrage. My Trabelsi kept Robben quiet all night and Kompany was making last ditch tackles and Sebastian Frey was heroic. Oh.. anyway.. it's just a game, too bad. It's funny how the game describes our addictiveness level. Previously I only got that "remember to wash your underwear" level at best. But this time.. I have twice or thrice left the game on as I slept.. I have risen to a brand new level of addictiveness. Now its "remember to call your work ...

I have typed and typed and typed... Only to remove them all in the end. I am obviously dying to say many things. But many things left unspoken. Coz words.. they don't change a thing. Even if they would change many things.. They would not change you.

during our cellgroup session last nite, I got my cell mates to do this activity whereby we write our names on pieces of paper. each person will pick randomly a piece of paper, look at the name written, and write what he/she like about that person. And also, give that person some constructive advices. turned out to be quite fun with all the funny comments. most important thing is.. it should get them to notice each other more. and again, someone said that I love to smile. I often got this comment and sometimes I wonder.. coz I don't really realise that I smile that much. have I subconsciously smiled all the time? hmm.. in any case.. I think I should save the smile! =D

Had a bad day at the office today. Now I know how it feels to be up against some people who are out to knock you down. But again.. I just couldn't bring myself to be angry whatsoever. I thought, "One day I have to be bigger than you!" That's all.. When some people smile to me halfheartedly, I would purposely offer them my most wonderful smile =D Just so that they realise that I am much more good looking than they are. When some people try to avoid seeing me, I would purposely walk pass them, putting on that ignorant expresion. Just so that they understand that if they were to avoid me, they have to hide in the dark. Really.. the art of living is to laugh off my own misfortune. And I have been doing that lately hoho. What a great life I am having. And as I am enjoying my problems.. I realise that 1. There were always people who had it worse than I did. 2. Kindhearted people are always there. Not many, but they are always around. The world is a stage...!

Ohh something is wrong with my head. I kinda like my colleague who is a married woman with a kid LOL. Okay.. I am kidding. I just like seeing her coz I like her ponytail (why I particularly like ponytail is another mystery). And with that blue wind breaker on.. she is just somewhat adorable. When you are 25, still single, and the most adorable female in your office is a mother with one kid; you must know that your future lies elsewhere. =D

Ini ngambil dari blog orang:: Sepasang pengantin baru tengah berjalan bergandengan tangan di sebuah hutan pada suatu malam musim panas yang indah, seusai makan malam. Mereka sedang menikmati kebersamaan yang menakjubkan tatkala mereka mendengar suara di kejauhan: "Kuek! Kuek!" "Dengar," kata si istri, "Itu pasti suara ayam." "Bukan, bukan. Itu suara bebek," kata si suami. "Nggak, aku yakin itu ayam," si istri bersikeras. "Mustahil. Suara ayam itu 'kukuruyuuuk!', bebek itu 'kuek! kuek!' Itu bebek, Sayang," kata si suami dengan disertai gejala-gejala awal kejengkelan. "Kuek! Kuek!" terdengar lagi. "Nah, tuh! Itu suara bebek," kata si suami. "Bukan, Sayang. Itu ayam. Aku yakin betul," tandas si istri, sembari menghentakkan kaki. "Dengar ya! Itu a-da-lah be-bek, B-E-B-E-K. Bebek! Mengerti?" si suami berkata dengan gusar. Tapi itu ayam," masih saja si istri bersikeras. ...

Sometimes the biggest problem is when someone does not realise that he/she is the problem itself. And sometimes the hardest person to deal with is the one who pities him/herself, thinking that he/she is the most unfortunate person on earth. And when you have to deal with such person.. oh God.. please teach her to be thankful for she is blessed with MSN and thus this tough chat. And teach me to be thankful to be used to talk to this person ^^

"Studying" is something I have not done for God knows how long. But yeah.. last weekend, I decided to read up a bit on Java which I have not touched for almost 2 years. Goshh.. already I can feel some improvement in my life quality LOL =D Well.. this brain needs torturing. It has been hibernating for too long. And these muscles too.. need some torturing. GYM.. that's the word. Yes yes.. we shall see into it. On movie front.. watched WTC which lasting impression was the scene when Jesus made the appearance with a bottle of mineral water. The unexpectedly good movie, in my opinion, was Rob-B-hood. Very jacky chan! Much much better than "the Banquet" =P Oh and one movie I am interested in at the moment is "Severance".. it's about an office's team building outing which turned into a bloody survival game. Eastern Europe setting.. hmm a bit like "Hostel" I would say. I had free dinner yesterday! I must really mark down 8 October 2006 as the...

The God whose skill formed the cosmos, His love never quits. The God who laid out earth on ocean foundations, His love never quits. The God who filled the skies with light, His love never quits. The sun to watch over the day, His love never quits. Moon and stars as guardians of the night, His love never quits. (Psalm 136)

Ternyata orang indo skarang uda ga kalah, bahkan lebih hebat dari kita di Sg. Mrk punya begitu byk 24 hours cafe termasuk starbucks where you will see people hanging around di malam minggu. Suasananya not bad really loh.. n dimana2 bisa liat wajah2 orang sebangsa yang familiar. Ya ceritanya pas jumat malem diajak ke starbucks di Thamrin, sbrangnya mcdonald legendaris itu. Ada oh la la juga disana, yang ngebul banget dalemnya. Gua kaga ngerti gmn cara menikmati oh la la ditemani asap rokok. oh well.. they just ruined my favorite cafe there. Starbucks is much better soalnya ada tanda dilarang merokok di dalem. Though tempatnya kynya ngga dipenuhi dgn crowd yang sering dinamai 'anak selatan'.. they r quite a cool crowd I think. Cukup enak buat ngobrol2 disana. Sebagai orang indo, you know that ada tempat2 tertentu yang no matter how good the design n decoration is, you just won't feel comfortable there bcoz of the wrong crowd. N semua terasa lengkap waktu kluar dari starbucks,...

A week break does wonder really. I think I was really homesick. My bro finally got a chance to study here, something he has always wanted. He had the chance to join the bridging program at SMU and if he manages to score high in his SAT come May 2007, he will be offered a place at SMU. I thought NUS or NTU are better coz he would stay in campus, that's more fun. But SMU is a good univ. and I can only be thankful to God. He was really down when he found out that he couldn't get to NUS but now he got the chance to give his best shot to get into SMU. God certainly opens the way, He certainly provides. I learned to walk by faith, even when my dad was out of job and my family was struggling. I learned to challenge God to provide for us. But the learning process is still ongoing. I still need to learn to trust Him for my future. And I really need to put in more effort.. It's great to be back home, to be surrounded by people who mean the most to you.

No matter the condition, no matter what, you are still missing it. You still want to return. Even if there is tear amidst the smile. It's still a happiness.

Sometimes I feel that there are two persons inside me, two contrasting personalities. I wonder if I really have split personality problem =D On one hand, I am someone who think really carefully before I act or speak. I plan everything and I make sure that I am ready for any possible consequence. On the other hand, I am impulsive and I follow my heart. Just like the fact that I suddenly decided two days ago that I wanted to return to Jakarta. I took my five days leave, book a tic, and off I go. I often do such things. Sometimes I said things that I knew the other me would not have said. On one hand, I am composed and restrained. On the other hand, I can be an unrestrained expressive persona. Twenty years ago.. the restrained side was not born yet. Overtime, I feel that the restrained side overpower the carefree side. There are times and places where I feel liberated and that is when the unrestrained side emerge and take over. But that is a rarity. I guess it was down to the roles I have...

One of the movies that will always stay in my memory is "Dead Poet Society". That was the first time I encountered the phrase "carpe diem". I don't remember how the story goes but I remember one thing that I learned from the movie: Most people become really famous only after they die. Poet are among those unfortunate people whose work will only be truly recognized after they die. Hence the title. When a soldier die in battlefield, he is often promoted into higher rank as sign of appreciation. Name one person around you that you don't particularly like. If he/she were to die today, I am sure you will change your view and all of sudden, he/she turns into someone you will 'fondly remember'. Many people reach the pinnacle of their life only after they die. And many of us.. we only come to truly appreciate someone only after he/she does not even need that anymore. The irony.

Myles Palmer of ANR says: "PORTSMOUTH are top of the table on 13 points with Man United and Chelsea on 12. As far as I know, nobody has done the best story at Portsmouth : they have seven Christians in the team. A journalist friend saw three clergymen in the canteen recently.One of the masseurs is a Christian, a club official is a Christian, and so are several stewards. Before every game 15 people go into a room and have a prayer meeting." Hmm.. interesting side story.

Whatever is happening to this world?? How could spinach be the cause of death?? Spinach is like.. my first vegetable, and that means something to me you know. I used to think that Chu LiuXiang, the king of thief in wuxia world, owe it to spinach for his handsome look and awesome gongfu. That time.. I didn't know Popeye so my parents could only use Chu LiuXiang's name to persuade me. For years.. I thought I was having some powerful herb whenever I had my spinach soup. Oh well.. When I was at high school, the teacher told us that E.Coli is a friendly bacteria which would help our digestion system. Now we have killer E.Coli in spinach which could .. kill. Seriously.. I can't imagine the kind of world my children will be living in.

Hm.. just realised that I have not blogged that often lately. But I do post a lot once I start typing heh. Watched the Banquet with Vy and Rimbun and co. last Saturday. Having watched Hero, The House of Flying Dagger, and The Banquet, I realise that they are all similar. No.. not the fact that Zhang Zhi Yi starred in all the three movies. They are all of the same genre. Western's wuxia genre. Nice Cinematography. Beautiful fight. Basically, artistic. Everything is beautified. Everything is made sophisticated. Everything is pictured to the extreme. It's more of a drama rather than wuxia. In their pursuit of artistry and Western's acknowledgement, they have abandoned the simplicity of Eastern's heroic. I wouldn't say that it's a bad thing. Everyone has their own taste. As for me, I don't watch wuxia only to adore their clothes and buildings and dance cum fight scenes. Fortunately, there is one scene in 'the Banquet' which brought back the feel of good...

Is there such word? Anyway.. me being a proud Chinese and all, lemme promote a China Mainland's boysband heh. LOL nice or not? Well they may not have the pose but they can sing lah. Well.. one of the member, Anson Hu, definitely can sing coz his song is one of my all time favorite. No...not that one above. It's this one::: Waiting for You - Love Contract OST Cinderella...

Erm.. so today KK told me that they can't offer me a "good offer". The reason being? The HR lady didn't spell it out clearly but I could conclude that they go by academic result and my academic result isn't really good. That's why hor.. listen to your mum, study hard! =D It is a disappointment. I have stopped applying ever since I had that promising interview and have thought that I would get it and all that. I even planned to tender my resignation next week. Anyway... So.. back on to Recruit! But I am not that disappointed somehow. Dunno why. Maybe it's the effect of listening to the "Smiling Proud Wanderer" song over and over today coz I was thinking, "Hey! How could I be bothered by such trivial thing?!"

Yes today.. something good will happen to me. And you! =)

Today He reminded me that I am really the worst of them all. And therefore I am the most forgiven. He reminded me that I have thought of myself too highly, that I forgot my servanthood. It's all too easy to point out their weaknesses. It's all too easy to criticize their wrongdoings. But how does that benefit my Lord? How does that please my Lord? And who am I to reject anyone He has redeemed with His blood? Even if someone has the right, it will not be me because I am the worst of them all. Who am I not to forgive anyone? Who am I to stop trusting anyone? Has He not forgiven and trusted me times and again? If He has emptied Himself to serve, why do I still carry my pride? My half-hearted humility, it does not please Him. Tonight, I only ask of Him.. Not wisdom. Not talent. I only ask of Him to keep my two hands clean, and my one heart pure. Two humble knees and one obedient heart. I am truly the most forgiven among the rest.

"The other time.. you said that I am a very good guy. When a girl say that to a man, usually it means she does not want to go out with that man. So.. you.. do you actually like me?" "Well.. I do.. a little bit I guess" "A little bit??" "We can try." "I am sold!" (taken from the movie Lost in Time) I always wanted to watch that movie, and finally got to watch it tonight. Good that it was happy ending, not good that it makes me like Cecilia Cheung even more. Anyway, that's the end of my weekend. Went to 10 dollars company for Karaoke at Smith st on Friday nite. Well it was certainly value for money considering you only pay around 12$ per person, and you get to sing for 3 hours with free flow drink and a bowl of soup. Not bad really. Kicked off the karaoke with elsa singing this song: Woah.. I thought it was Rainie singing until I realized that it was elsa's voice. So similar! =D Saturday's highlight was "The Devil Wears P...

When I say I want colorful life and love, I don't really mean it to be complicated. Because a painting can be both colorful and simple. And my happiness.. it comes from the simplest of things. The things I enjoy in life.. they are never complicated. Do you know that I would choose Big Gulp, with Coke Light inside, over any, and I mean ANY, type of wine in the world? I don't know how many people would laugh at that statement but to be honest, I can't be bothered. And here's another one.. if I say a walk in the evening, holding hand with the one you love; such experience is much better than sex; would you believe me? =D

So here's the situation. In case other do not come for me, and KK makes a good offer next week.. I think I am gonna take it. "Good offer" is of course a very relative term. Gosh.. I am sorry God for keep saying that this is not the job that I want the most. I think I should really learn to appreciate what I have. Awrite.. I shall be grateful and thankful! Yes of course I wanted that Editor job. But God knows what is the best ultimately. So I was being bold and ask of God for certain standard of "good offer" so that I will have no hesitation in accepting that offer. Phew.. finding job is surely somewhat similar to finding a girlfriend =D Er why the word 'girlfriend' sounds more and more awkward to me?

While Koreans are specializing in telling the story of two lovers who brave the storm and sickness and death in order to be together, Singaporeans are specializing in telling the story of the two lovers after they got together (got married properly -> the contract marriage doesn't count). Channel 8's drama is mostly about the conflict within family and marriage. Yesterday's episode was particularly good. I could almost relate totally to everything that happened. The usual commotion during funeral, the so-called affair. It's funny really when you watch a drama and you thought "hey.. that's so real, that's so much like something that happen to X or Y". Ya.. Singapore drama are never good enough to fantasize about some tragic romantic story but they are really good at being realistic. Oh before I continue, that chick Melissa does look prettier and prettier (especially when she is angry ^^ ). I guess it was her over-the-top aggresiveness that turned me ...

Smile can really 'kill' ^^ Must remind myself not to overdose, sigh..

Whoa.. Now I know why my mum would vomit when she got headache. Out of the blue, I got this terrible headache last night and gee.. I really felt like vomitting. It was just torturing. Thanks God for Panadol =D Happy Sunday ^^

It was raining today. Pouring. Hard. Were you afraid? Were you enjoying it? Did you see what I saw? Did you feel what I felt? Do you..

http://www.asiaseed.org/ayfj/ Could this be the path to return to the very land I love?

Eh.. my first interview coming this Thursday. pray for me ya =D my usual prayer statement: "God if this is the best, make it happen. If this is not, make it fail by all means!" Well I have always said that I wanted to stop being programmer but this job is kinda interesting coz it seems to be a very good place for me to start pickin up .NET, something I never learned before. And the environment is one of the places I kinda like, a hospital LOL. I guess it's not that I like hospital, but my family has always had such strong connection with doctors and hospitals that I might as well learn to like them. Anything that you can't afford to get away from, you should learn to love ^^ Of course it's not like I will get the job for sure but anyway, thx to Sista for forwarding the email. And you know what? IT's KK HOSPITAL!!! OMG... Me being slow recently, I didn't notice that it's KK, as in KK. I knew the name sounded familiar, very familiar. But I was still won...

All credit to fastclock who translated one of Gu Long's novel, Jiu Ye Ying Fei (Flying eagles in the ninth month) here I only help to promote the novel here in case someone cares to read. Coz I find the story beautiful. And this chapter in particular is beautiful. Rated: M18 (some sexual reference ^^) Chapter 22: Four great princes The night grew deeper as the light became dimmer. There were only a few stars here and there. Under the dim star light, the shadow of the person ahead seemed to glimmer in the distance. Although she pursued quickly, this person was actually quicker. By the time she went through the window, this person had moved away by ten meters. But she certainly did not want to give up, she knew perfectly well that she could not force this person to stop but she must pursue him anyway. She used her whole strength to move forward. The distant place was darker, and nothing clear could be seen. In the intersection there was an ancient oak building with a single burning l...