..my battle stance..

I sense that 2014 is gonna be such an amazing year. Well.. God knows. Me.. I just follow. Too many things happened this year. But the last couple of months have been the most happening ones. Still far, miraculously far from where I need to be as of now. And that's why.. something amazing just has to happen right? As Holmes said.. when you have eliminated all the other possibilities, the remaining option, no matter how impossible it seems.. has to be the answer. And the answer or solution to this insane situation.. has to be Jesus. Alright.. sleep now. Hope to be back here tomorrow. God bless!

I once illustrated to someone what.. I think.. marriage is about. and she asked me.. where did you quote those words from? probably she thought those words were kinda.. too cool to come out from my mind. Ah.. but.. there is something you don't know girl. The thing is.. I have seen enough case of failed. broken, tarnished marriages. in my own way, I once was on my knees.. Praying and fighting to keep a marriage alive. in fact.. where 20-30 yrs old marriage is concerned.. I have not seen a perfect one. Anything close to that.. I merely heard about them. from the pulpit. Hence.. my belief. hence.. I. so today.. I was wondering.. well I thought I understood relationship and marriage. What I didn't understood apparently.. is courtship. It's the 'game'. Hated to play along. And I fail miserably. till today. So..at this juncture.. when heart is bare naked, and life is laid down. and all I get.. is.. a request. Well... I told my chat-till-morning-pgp-go...

I had about 4-5 paragraphs written about the recent article that went viral, and the responding article. The one about marriage. That it's not for me, and it's for us, bla bla bla. Then I deleted everything. What's the point right? If such articles could save relationships and marriages, well.. I dunno.. I guess it takes so much more than motivational stories. So what's the point of me commenting? Having said that.. there is this story that I always always remember.. http://www.snopes.com/glurge/carry.asp (I read the original version, without the tragic end). Maybe because I kinda wept when I read it first time hah.

This blogger is funny! especially her blind date stuff. Hah.. http://behindthebasics.blogspot.sg/

They have this saying, it's always darkest before dawn. In our walk with God, the moment when it seems absolutely impossible for our prayer to be answered is usually that defining moment when miracle is just about to happen. The moment when we sigh, "I am finished.." is the moment when He come and remind us, "It's done." That moment when we have no choice but to surrender.. He comes to deliver. And how timely is His deliverance. Never too late. And somehow.. never too early either. Think about Jairus (Luke 8). How beautiful was that story. This man was begging for Jesus' help to come and heal his dying daughter. Jesus duly obliged. But as they made their way to his house, something happened. The bleeding woman. In itself it was such a beautiful tale. It was not so much about how she was healed when she touched his garment, to me. But how Jesus actually made a point to stop. And looked for her. More than miracle, she needed that persona...

There's always that new old stuff that I didn't know.. Like the english origin (at least melody-wise) of that song selamanya cinta. till my eyes are shut by the sand of time.. I will dream with you. good nite crazy world.

GOD DOES know how to JOKE! of all days, I reach Malachi 2 TODAY. Awesome. Well.. I have not read bible back to back a lot. Heard many preachers quoting the words 'God hates divorce'. But where did that verse come from? I didn't really know. So let me log it today. It's from Malachi 2:16. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce!” says the Lord , the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:15-16). But... why does it have to be today? It is a cruel joke on me. That He would speak about marriage to me, today. Or so it seems to me. Well God Almighty.. I have no idea.  And I am totally shattered here. But it doesn't change the truth that.. You are t...

well... probably the only important thing that's left unsaid is this. that I forgive you.

I have not been to too many weddings this year. those 'wedding years' were over. which is good. and bad as well. because I was soo outdated with the angpao rate, I accidentally gave a very, very, er.. 'substandard' angpao to one of my friends. It was combination of my ignorance and unpreparedness cash-wise on that day itself. Still feel paiseh till now. But since we are not that close, also awkward to do anything about it afterwards. sigh.. Well.. if by some far-fetched possibility you read this blog, I just want to say sorry. And I would love to treat you dinner to partially make u for that hah. the last wedding I attended was that of Owen's. It was great in a way that it brought back so much memories. Almost like a recap of my 14 years journey here. All those familiar heartwarming faces :) Anyway.. of those couple of weddings I attended.. there was one that particularly stood out. It was my sembawang friend's wedding. or rather, kebaktian ucapa...

I should have gotten my hands on the latest invention that was said to be the next big thing after light bulb. Yeah.. BBM for Android. Why? Because I have a couple of clients in Indonesia who use only blackberry phone. Because I can then advertise my bb pin on my online marketing platform targeted at Indonesians. And above all, because it's free. But I have resisted doing so. Till today at least. The hype is just too much for me. Seriously, do we really need to be THAT connected?? oh well.. even our anti-social-media friend Ms Lo has embraced instagram. I am giving up hah.

If you have 30 mins to spare, you might want to watch the following video. I don't know what's the real agenda of the folks behind this video, but I am quite sure there are some truths in what they are saying. The world is running on debt indeed. We do not necessarily know what to do to make a difference now. But at least, we should remember that there is something horribly wrong with the whole system today. We may not see a great collapse today or next year. But who is to say that there won't be 'Great Depression' in our era? A wise king once said.. "there is nothing new under the sun". What has happened could and would happen again. "Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heaven." This phrase, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of what is shaken, as of what has been made, in order that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken...

Well.. we all know this guy, right? Probably.. the greatest worship leader that our country has ever produced thus far. At least.. exposure-wise. A regular in Hillsong Conf, well respected by people like Darlene, Israel, et al. Despite his small frame, this guy is Huge. But when you attend his local church, you will see how 'ordinary' he is. One day, I was at his church when he was preaching. He shared with us about how his wife was often amused by his popularity. Coz as he put it, he was really.. really.. an ordinary guy. Nothing special. If you don't know any better, it will sound like a fake humility. Seriously.. he is probably the Most Famous Guy there is when it comes to Indonesian Gospel. But he was saying the true. His church has so much talent that if you simply talk about talent, he was indeed 'nothing special'. In terms of voice, there are some younger WLs with better techniques. In terms of music instruments, his guitar is, ...

Habakkuk 3: 8  Was it in anger, Lord , that you struck the rivers      and parted the sea? Were you displeased with them?      No, you were sending your chariots of salvation! 9  You brandished your bow      and your quiver of arrows.      You split open the earth with flowing rivers. 10  The mountains watched and trembled.      Onward swept the raging waters. The mighty deep cried out,      lifting its hands to the Lord . 11  The sun and moon stood still in the sky      as your brilliant arrows flew      and your glittering spear flashed. Oh I am in love with this worship song every time I read it. We often quote verses 17-19, which I believe inspire the Desert Song. But the earlier verses are also very, very, powerful. Before the prophet was his fallen nation. There was no economy recovery ...

Tanah Airku.. tidak kulupakan. After some years of declaring my love for my country over facebook & twitter, I decide to stay quiet on the 17th. At some points you just feel that it means so much more than some writings on the wall. Or some anniversary routine. been almost a month here. in jakarta. so much going on. life has somewhat picked up here. and i have picked up journal-ing again. which feels great. nothing beats the feeling of actually writing with pen on a physical paper. typing and laptop, at some points.. just don't cut it. maybe the writer in us, the creativity in us.. somewhat is lost amidst the boring sound of typing, the convenience of backspace / undo button, you know.. learned this when I was reading 'Steal like an Artist', a good book. A part of me that has been half dead for so many years.. Is now half awake.

I have long been wondering about the issue, or rather the biblical truth of tithing, first fruit, etc. So if you never have issue with the above issue.. you probably won't need to read on. let me first admit that the 10% is indeed not easy. the first fruit is of course even more challenging. I truly admire those who faithfully and cheerfully give. Bless them! And they probably won't need to read on as well. I am convinced that as they sow generously into the Father's field, they will reap bountifully too. The question here is more towards the way today's churches instruct their members to tithe. How not tithing is similar to robbing God of His right, and the curse/blessing that goes with it. Is this teaching .. biblical ? a quick googling will lead us to various write ups. Some for, some against.. the teaching. Some point out that tithing is part of ceremonial law (along with those clean/unclean food, etc ). It is, firstly, meant for the Israelites. Wh...

I was thinking about Mary suddenly. Jesus' mom. Her life.. it was quite incredible, isn't it? No wonder that some of our friends would look up to her in such a special way. Think about it. From Genesis to Revelation.. has any woman ever conceived in such a way? by the Holy Spirit? which literally means.. God? I can't even imagine what that really, really means. If you watch anime, you probably know this show 'Beelzebub'. Well that baby was totally not normal. Only the characters in the show would believe he was human. But Jesus? He was born a baby. Human. I suppose Mary would have expected a glow in the dark baby at least. But there he was.. warm and tiny, in her embrace. Baby Jesus. And I suppose baby Jesus needed breastfeeding as well. So their relationship would've been truly.. that of a mother and child from day one. to try imagining Mary.. on one hand a normal mother, and yet on the other hand, doing her best to grasp this grand p...

so this song returns..

Hosea 3:5 They’ll come back chastened to reverence      before God and his good gifts, ready for the End of the story of his love. (MSG) they will come trembling to Adonai and his goodness in the acharit-hayamim . (CJB) and they shall come in [anxious] fear to the Lord and to His goodness and His good things in the latter days. (AMP)   I pray that God will help me each morning.. to start the day with bended knees and humble heart. That I will start the day in the fear of the Lord. And before anything else.. that I may come to His goodness with reverence and awe.

Watched Man of Steel 3D in Jakarta over the weekend. I must say that some of the effect were cool. But for me.. 2.5 hours is way too long for anything except les miserables. And LOTR Return of the King! We had quite a headache by the time the movie ended. Lotsa fighting, brute force fighting.. So much so that I forgot whether or not the man of steel got wear his trademark red underwear. and having checked the poster again, I realised that he betrayed his underwear #$#@%@#$ this is blasphemy. how could he forsake the very thing that makes Superman, Superman? speak of identity crisis @_@ No wonder I felt that something was missing. Oh yeah.. Bistro Baron at Plaza Indonesia.. turned out nicer than my expectation. We loveee their mash potato. Soo... gooddd...With truffle I suspect its gonna be even better. We are sucker for truffle+potato combo. The roast chicken also good! And will end the post today with this clip (Yeah I know we all know this song..) beyond roma...

for the uninitiated.. we have a neighbor next door. a nice lady called michelle. she would have been one of the pretty girls when she was younger. quite incidental that we got to know her name around the time we watched that life-changing movie.. "you are the apple of my eye". she could have been andreas' fallback plan if it doesn't work out with michelle chen. well.. been almost 3 yrs. with probably less than 2 hour total of chatting time between us. only occasional hi, have a nice day, and bye.  so.. one day.. just recently.. she knocked my door. (the last time she did that was to borrow my chairs). looking for me. ehem.. and told me that life changing news... "I am pregnant". ..... In case you wonder..  she wasn't asking me to be responsible for this. Of course I am not the father. So why was she telling me this? Coz she was thinking of looking for new place to rent. Well life changing for her lah.. I mean. so far we only know ...

Well.. he got her "maybe" reply on twitter. Not sure if she really meant it when she said she would check her schedule.. She never went with him. But Nina Agdal went. I dunno what it takes to court an American swimsuit model like Kate Upton. But apparently this kind of video works. Maybe it's his "Jew card", as someone pointed out. But it's worth a try.

For whatever reason, I find my interest in movie rather unpredictable lately. Iron Man 3 to me is.. good.. but not fantastic. But simple low key movie such as Silver Lining Playbook left deeper impression. Furious 6.. it was a fun ride. But.. too 'unreal' to me. I mean.. yeah.. no one expect 'reality' in this kind of movie.  *spoiler alert but still..  I can't accept that part where Vin Diesel jumps and catch the girl midair and somehow.. still manage enough momentum to fall where he fall. You know.. from Physics point of view..  and I can't accept that the scriptwriter has to kill the Israeli chick. Remind me of GI Joe. Is it the trend now to kill off the most good looking character in the movie? But I must say that the movie is memorable. Why? Next to me were an Indian couple. the guy was heavily tattooed, with solid build. Almost like Vin Diesel feel.. but shorter, and uglier. There was this part where the movie reveal the 'traitor...

This is taken solely from wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Gatsby "First published by Scribner's in April 1925, The Great Gatsby received mixed reviews and sold poorly; in its first year, the book only sold 20,000 copies. Fitzgerald died in 1940, believing himself to be a failure and his work forgotten. His work, spearheaded by The Great Gatsby, experienced a revival during World War II , and the novel became a part of high school curriculum in the following decades. The book has remained popular since, leading to numerous stage and film adaptations. The Great Gatsby is widely considered to be a literary classic and a contender for the title " Great American Novel ". The book is consistently ranked among the greatest works of American literature ." Pardon my ignorance but for a moment when I saw the preview I thought, "Could this be the story of the guy behind that hair wax brand?" I mean.. look at di caprio's well-o...

Do you know that oolong tea (without sugar, milk, and bubble of course).. can increase your metabolism? And thus.. helping you to slim down? Thanks to brother John who generously shared this tips. No wonder I would feel hungry after drinking 1-2 big cup of oolong tea at night. I knew that oolong tea kinda neutralise the fatty stuff that I am eating. But I didn't know it increases metabolism. If you only eat fruits + drink oolong tea.. you gonna slim down like.. fast and furious. But I assume that's as good as killing yourself so.. maybe just for the dinner? Either way.. oolong is good. Pokka oolong is great (I am not paid to say this). So.. stock some at home.

If you've seen enough anime or j-dorama, you will definitely be familiar with this riverbank scene. Usually it's sunset. And I always wondered.. would I see such place when I visit Japan. Apparently.. these places do exist. And I think.. it's part of what makes Japan charming. So I always wish that one fine day.. these two persons will eventually lie down together.. basking in the warm embrace of the setting sun. under that orenji sky that makes them dream. where there is no agenda or rules to follow. only two free hearts that love freely. and two pair of eyes that have become soul mates. sharing a pair of earplug that sings their song of covenant.

woh.. finally.. it's that time again to look back. and to look ahead. and be grateful above all. looking back i just can't imagine.. this journey.. been a long one. for someone who once imagined that he would live a life like Chairil Anwar.. it's been way past the due date. looking ahead, I will remember the verse my mum always remember from Stephen Tong's KKR in Medan.. longg longg time ago.. before I was born. He said, "Forget(ting) the past and look(ing) forward to what lies ahead". (Phil 3 NLT) And what lies ahead? Probably there will be more twists and turns and wounds and tears.. but also.. more and more of His glory. and at the end of all those.. the glorious return of our Lord. may our eyes be ceaselessly fixed on that eternity that awaits us.

for so many times I tried to post something. but all I could think of is a negative feeling. Not that my life has been THAT miserable, good things happens.. here and there. And God is good.. always. But you know.. when certain incidents give you that overwhelming feeling that you seem incapable of writing anything but that. Which makes me wonder.. these successful people who are capable of maintaining optimistic thought at all times.. (which is probably only 10% of those who seem to be capable of such feat) how the heck did they do it?

Well.. whatever this is.. it is apparently.. famous hah. And of course... there is this!

At some point.. I can only sigh. I can offer nothing else and nothing more. Not to a bottomless pit of doubt. If all that I've given  means nothing more than the opinion of those naysayers.. At this point.. I can only sigh. :)

The week has been anything but ordinary, nothing but grace. I have never worked on so many cases at one time before. And none of those cases were result of my own creativity or hard work. God's generosity.. it's amazing. And in the Batu preacher's (the way brother John put it) word, it's restful. Don't get it yet.. but maybe I don't need to really get it. I just need to believe it. The mystery of the Father's heart. He is good. He is good. And after such a high.. you will wonder whether you are in for some lows. But God reminds me that simple prayer. Jesus teaches us to ask the Father for our daily bread. He is a Father who does not  come to meet us this morning with merely yesterday's leftovers. Nor does he come to us with tomorrow's promises. He, first and foremost, comes to us with today's portion. A fresh, new portion of his love, his grace, his mercy. A fresh new revelation of Christ, the daily bread himself. the living w...

In today's era of plastic surgery, photoshop, and NLP.. sincerity is a rare commodity. or obsolete.. for some. those who are still sincere with their words and acts.. they are either one of those friends who don't seem to get too much attention on his fb page.. or.. those people found on Silver Lining Playbook. The other day I spoke to my brother about one of his SMU friends. my brother described this guy as a 'true blue SMU' man. I met this boy. I pointed out to something that he said in our previous phone conversation. Basically I was trying to tell him that he has not been honoring his words. He said, "oh maybe you have over-expectation on the subject.." I was like.. Dude.. don't play this game with me. Anyway so I just gave that are-you-kidding-me-smile hearing those words. Well he is actually a decent chap :) Afterwards he quickly admitted that he had underestimated the matter. That's better. You know.. why can't peopl...

Another ted talk. the guy was kind of a legend as UCLA basketball coach. Born 1910. Signed off 2010. Quite a life! :) Well I think that's what being 'coach' should really mean. And here's the Coach's pyramid of success btw.

things have come full circle (or cycle? my English skill is getting worse). the first property sales that I transacted was dated 2009. the client was one my precious batch 5 friends. now some of them have moved on to buy their second or third properties. some are about to sell the property they first bought. there is this.. dunno-how-to-describe feeling.. when I think of that. how the same property that they bought thru me is now going to be marketed for sale. some old birds may have gotten used to such things. but for me.. I still find it.. you know... And I am glad knowing that they could make good profit out of it. i went into property not because i am talented or passionate about sales. but i love.. the idea of... finding and buying houses. it's like the holy grail for my family for many, many years. there is this newly renovated house in front of our beloved stroberi road apartment. i just loovee looking at that cozy house. and i thot.. one of these days i...

one day.. you will run out of excuses. and i will run out of reasons. one day.. we will run out of theories and words to quote. one day.. only honesty will do.

Love today's daily verse :) A fitting closure to the month of 'love'. [ When We Practice Real Love ] My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 1 John 3:18 MSG

Two persons, knowing that they have every chance of hurting one another, knowing that 'till death do us part' could be a fading memory in years to come, knowing all the chance of breaking and losing.. and yet.. still brave enough to take the plunge, while whispering, "you are worth it".

You wouldn't think that a Taiwanese Idol Movie Drama with such title would be good right? After all they go for a girl named 'Angelababy' for their lead actress. (make no mistake though, she is popular- and not difficult to see why) And you wouldn't think they would come up with decent OST right? But they sure got some good lines there, especially when it comes to some theories about relationship. I find myself nodding in agreement here and there. And then.. the OST.. Just as how the narrator said at the beginning of this clip.. It does.. touch.. a heart. Enjoy the translation below :)  Maybe you will love the song too. Translated by Tianlu @ chinesepandamusic.wordpress.com. Love you you I’m like a lonely fisherman. I can’t say what love’s warmth is. I want to give you happiness, But you try to protect yourself. Turn the corner. Only the barrenness outside the tide is left. Love you you But I got lost in the ocean. I can’t find where my hea...

Happy Lunar New Year folks. As I ponder on the thing called new year, here are the Words that were presented before me. God.. He is excited now isn't He? As we said it in 'foem'.. God is on the move!! The Spirit of God , the Master, is on me      because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor,      heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives,      pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace—      a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—      and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,      give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom,      a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness”      planted by God to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the o...

baby i hate it when you use me as an excuse. but if that makes you feel good so be it.

There was a time when we would discuss (or argue) over the above terms for days. Well.. not anymore. Some of the male participants (read: diver) have successfully reached the bottom of their ocean. And some of the female participants (read: ocean) have gladly embraced their diver. The coconut trees? Well gotta ask bombie for that. And what about the lost divers and undiscovered oceans? Well.. it ain't matter anymore for them as well. So reading someone's blog (unsurprisingly, a 20 something girl) on relationship.. it made me smile. She could go on and on and on about every aspect of relationship. But this wanderer has run out of words. I don't think she will get it now either. Let it be. I just want to say.. I am thankful today. Thankful to see how some of my friends are celebrating their anniversary. And I am praying tonite.. that decades later.. if facebook is still around.. and alive.. I will still see them posting happy anniversary photos on their wa...

Simply.. grateful. This is a good day.. after all.

I think this is good. Watched this with Andreas just now. And then I decided to share it with that special person that came to mind. And now.. I hope you find it useful too. *psychologist note (thanks to Andreas): A genius is said to have IQ 2 standard deviation up from the mean (average IQ of normal people). So having your IQ reduced by two standard deviation means you are no longer gifted at best. Or in worse case.. you are intellectually challenged.

Wow wow... “If you get rid of unfair practices,      quit blaming victims,      quit gossiping about other people’s sins, If you are generous with the hungry      and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,      your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go.      I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—      firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden,      a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,      rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,      restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,      make the community livable again. Isaiah 58 (The Message)

When ika told me her cell group friends had been discussing myers briggs test.. I was like.. Hmm.... This sounds familiar. Yes.. our subroto family fa were discussing it too. in 2005. but i totally forgot what were being said or my result even. I remember darvin said that myers briggs result tend to change overtime. And my tung ling friends too. they said that the DISC test were more reliable. so i didn't give it a thought. but blogwalked to kim's blog and behold.. another one taking the test. It tickled me. like.. damn.. what was my result again? yeah.. i took the test lah~! and ... INTP. The Engineer -___- I was like.. what??? I thought i would be INFP? (with 53-47 ratio between F and T.. you can say I am in between). Well.. the En-gi-neer.. so what the %#$@^ am I doing for the last 5 years++ marketing property right? I was a computer scientist to begin with. I switched. Hah. Could have been the guy who founded twitter or instagram. Unable to acce...

What a revelation from this daily verse. Paradise.. we are not there yet. This is a battefield. Paul is ever eager to remind us that truth.  [ A Fight to the Finish ] And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an i...

Probably.. in all these years of listening to Chinese songs.. This song is one of the most brilliant love (if you may call it so) songs ever written. To me at least. And the singer.. is one of those singers whose voice I fell in love with at first hearing (thank you 93.3) I don't own the below translation. All credit goes to this blogger: http://derangedsheep08.blogspot.sg/2012/07/meiyou-name-jiandan-its-not-that-simple.html for the fabulous translation 作詞：姚若龍 作曲：蕭煌奇 沒那麼簡單 就能找到 聊得來的伴 It's not that simple to find someone to converse with 尤其是在 看過了那麼多的背叛 Especially when you've seen so much betrayal 總是不安 只好強悍 (There is) always unrest, without another option, (one must be) brave 誰謀殺了我的浪漫 Who killed my romance? 沒那麼簡單 就能去愛 別的全不看 It's not that simple, to be able to love, without looking 變得實際 也許好也許壞各一半 Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad, maybe 50-50 不愛孤單 一久也習慣 (Even if you) don't like loneliness, after a while you'll get used to it 不用擔...

The moment before dawn. Every time I was awake at such a time I would be at home. Not  today. Not here. I am standing outside of my cottage, overlooking the world famous lake that has somewhat been forgotten since the 90s. Just like my peaceful childhood memories. It was 1990, or thereabout. I moved to the capital then. From that moment on the memories have slowly but surely faded away. As I begin to ponder the past a voice suddenly interrupts my thought. 'Come.. walk with me.' it says. I nod. I slowly begin to walk. Aimlessly. 'I haven't told you where to go.' 'You rarely do.' I can sense the responding smile. Somehow. 'You rarely ask, really ask for it.' it says. I chuckle. 'I guess so. But there were times when I really did.. and you..' 'Sometimes it has to be that way..' the voice speaks calmly 'Are you not well after all.. ?' the voice continues. Am I well? 'Well.. I mess up a lot.. y...

Seems like a good day for another post. January 21st, 2013. When you are hurt and broken, you are at the best time to write. Charles Dickens channeled his depression into writing. So did Chairil Anwar as he penned his most famous poem, Aku. And so did Qu Yuan as he penned his final poem before he drowned himself into the river. And thanks to him we got zhong zhi aka 'ba cang' today. Twenty one. When I was that age, there were a few of our friends who I kind of thought were.. attractive. I remember discussing them with bombie as we went on long journey from NUS to the city. I particularly remember talking about this person with bombie. Using my head I thought she must be the one I should pursue. But my head didn't win the vote back then. Funnily. She was the one I think.. I never really pursued. But we were all good friends. Somehow when you are twenty one, you can maintain such relationship with people. It's like you are free to walk into any door...

You said if I kept quiet you would not know what I wanted. I kept quiet simply because your acts show that you don't even care enough about what I wanted.

My last deal in 2011 took place the night before the scary ABSD kicked in. My first deal in 2013 took place the night before the even better version of ABSD kicked in. Basically still ABSD, but bigger and more fearsome. I was involved in a project launch at Sengkang. It was chaotic. Everyone fighting to enter the show flat and get their hands on the property they wanted. Coz by today ABSD version 2 effect would have kicked in. There were loud verbal fights, there were women screaming ( I dunno whether they got pushed or what lah ). People were at their barbaric best. It was the scene of capitalist society.  But I am glad my client was well mannered. Thank God.. pheww... Seriously.. people would have thought it was LV selling at Export (merek tas sekolah Indo buat yg ga tau) price kinda sale. Or there was a naked Just In Bie Beer inside. Well.. You got the picture. I left the place at 4 AM. and people were still there. Yeah so 2013 has been kinda.. like.. wow.. I am s...

I made a promise to write more this year. So here we go. First post in 2013. Let me begin by telling you this.. I haven't had such a roller coaster start to a year for the longest time. It drains me. But of course, as the old man says.. don't be too fast to conclude whether it's good or bad. Let's just say that it happens. Only time will tell whether it's good or bad. Now.. 2013. I am sorry. I am at loss for words at the moment. There is anger, there is disappointment, there is hope too. Patience.. patience.. One thing I learn though. No matter what we choose to do, there will always be doubters. there will always be oppositions. And sometimes they are from our inner circle, sometimes they are our fellow believers. Therefore I will only try to do what my heart believes is right.